Kitty Coughs Up Advice for a Hairball of a Man

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• Steve Carell

Hello, Kitty:

My girl complains about my body hair, saying that I need to wax and/or shave my chest and pubic area. But the vision of Steve Carell getting waxed in The 40-Year-Old Virgin has me thinking it's not worth the pain. My hairy bod has never bothered me, but my girl seems to be royally disgusted by it. Can you suggest a way to help her appreciate my unique trait?

Saz Kwatch

Hey, Saz:

I can't give you any ways to change your girl — everyone has their pet peeves and for some reason or another, your furry ass is one of hers. Maybe she has gorillaphobia or was traumatized by a hairball-related incident. Either way, you don't want the person you're shagging (pun intended) to be "royally disgusted" by anything other than the raunchy sex positions you suggest after a couple of caipirinhas. Relationships are about compromise, though, and I'm thinking that either she needs to live with the fact that you're hairy or you need to de-fuzz, and quick. Personally, I despise taco meat, sawgrass, Christmas tinsel, and everything else that men magically sprout on their bods. The only thing I want to see running up and down a man's chest is my tongue or a piece of tumbleweed cause it's so damn bare.

On the other hand, some women like a little chest-bush, which is why that old adage about there being someone for everyone is true. Just as easily as you found this girl, you can find another who enjoys a lil' something to grab onto. I can't stress enough that you should be yourself in any relationship, and should be prepared to stick with any compromises that you do make for a while. Dealing with a bitter mate (i.e., a bald you) can be a mothafucka, so don't let the body-wool go unless it's a decision you can live with. And if you do decide to go for it, try using a depilatory cream (e-mail me for a good name brand, no free ads from me). That way you'll avoid both the pain of waxing and the shame of shaving your chest in the gym locker room. Meow.

Got a question? E-mail kitty@miaminewtimes.com, or visit blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/magic_city_kitty