By Chuck Strouse
By Scott Fishman
By Terrence McCoy
By Ryan Yousefi
By Ciara LaVelle, Kat Bein, Carolina Del Busto, and Liz Tracy
By Pepe Billete
By Ryan Yousefi
By Kyle Swenson
"That chicken is racist! He eats chicken!"
And: "Are you the chicken from Family Guy?"
After about 2,897,749,287 gazillion pictures of people flashing smiles, middle fingers, and peace or surf's-up signs with Cluckita, we're left with a group of about five or six guys, all stylishly unwashed, with hard faces that exude a we-listen-to-bands-you've-never-even-heard-of vibe.
Cluckita head-butts one guy with disheveled hair and glasses.
"She has chosen you," I say as Cluckita begins to booty-dance in front of him.
"How do you know the chicken is a she?" he asks.
"Because I've seen her vagina," I say, adding a profound question: "What would you rather have sex with — a chicken with a woman's vagina, or a woman with a chicken's vagina?"
He walks away.
Next comes Fernando, the black sheep of the crowd. He looks as if he's in his sixites. Wearing a pale yellow polo shirt and khaki shorts, and armed with a suave, European attitude, he questions what a hen's main reproductive organ is like.
"It's filled with feathers," I say as I pull a piece of chicken from my bucket and hold it up to Fernando's nose, "and it smells like this."
"Yes, that is okay," he says, signifying that a romp with a clucker isn't entirely out of the question.
All fun and fuckery aside, the hard-boiled question remains: Do these people really think this chicken is art?
Sarah, a full-figured woman in her midthirties — whom I meet outside Locust Projects (105 NW 23rd St.), where Clifton Childree's spinning horror-porn/maze called "Dream-Cum-Tru" is on exhibit — has a theory.
"Well, it seems like everyone wants to take your chicken's picture," she says, tying her strawberry-blond hair into a ponytail as a group of thuggish boys gets a group photo with the exhausted pullet. "And when I went to the Louvre a few summers back, all anyone seemed to be interested in doing was taking pictures of themselves posing with the Mona Lisa. So in a sad way ... yes, she's art."
Hmmm — maybe we should've named her Clucka Lisa.