Arrrrrgh!

Scream like a bitch at Scarefest.

We look at your Lusty Librarian and Prostitute Pirate costumes and wonder when the h in Halloween stopped being synonymous with horror and began to mean something more like ho. We know you’re forced to cover it up 364 days a year, and we don’t blame you for wanting to let it all hang out, but we also miss the days of awesome Freddy Krueger costumes and masks that could scare the bejesus out of small children. Now the only thing the kiddies are wondering is “Mommy, why are you a stripper for Halloween?” But a haunted house in the Grove has decided to bring the scary back, and we’re happy as Pinhead in a roomful of souls.

If you like blood, gore, and spooky characters jumping out at you, Scarefest is the terrifying Shangri-La of your dreams. The haunted house has two floors, 20,000 square feet, and 15 rooms of animatronics, lighting, and sound designed to have you crying for your mommy. This ish isn’t meant for kids, but on family nights, the young-uns can yell out, “Monster be good!” if things get too hectic, and unlike in the real world, the cretins will actually chill out. Visit www.scaremiami.com for more details. Better yet, just go to 3015 Grand Ave. in Coconut Grove and scream for yourself. Tickets cost $20.
Oct. 17-Nov. 10, 2008

 
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