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National Features >
City Pages
Michele Bachmann, Unmuzzled
You don't need to read Sarah Palin's book to hear the ravings of a mad woman.
By Matt Snyders
Riverfront Times
Babe 'n' Arms
Tom was a hot-tempered cross-dresser with a garage full of guns--and then he became Rachel.
By Nicholas Phillips
Dallas Observer
The Fight for Texas
Rick Perry and Kay Bailey Hutchison are locked in a battle over the soul of the GOP. They're also running for governor.
By Sam Merten
A New Beginning
The rebuilding Dolphins open the season against Brett and the Jets.
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By Chris Joseph
Published on September 04, 2008 at 3:02am
There used to be a time when the Miami Dolphins were hailed as one of the proudest franchises in the NFL, with a long, rich history of greatness. Yet for the past decade or so, the Dolphins have played football like old people screw. The only way to watch any of their games was with an opium suppository shoved up one’s ass. Last season Miami won a whopping total of one game.
If there’s one game the Fins need to win this year, it’s Sunday’s season opener against the New York Jets at Dolphin Stadium. All the subplots are there: Chad Pennington facing off against the team that gave him the heave-ho, the Bill Parcells era kicking off, the troglodytic displaced New Yorkers who fill the hometown stadium, the thoroughly over-the-top man-crush that the loathsome members of the mainstream media have over new Jets QB Brett Favre. The Dolphins need to spoil this coming-out party in the worst way, if only to restore balance in the universe. Kickoff is at 1 p.m. Visit www.miamidolphins.com for tickets. Prices range from $86.23 for the 400 section to $230 for the truly daring.
Sun., Sept. 7, 2008
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