Is He a Swinger or a Cheater?

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• Relationships
• Marriage

Hello, Kitty:

After 12 years of marriage to a wonderful woman, I've been seriously considering asking my wife to join me in swinging. Not as in what kids do at a playground, but the adult sort. I vowed to be with my wife for better or for worse, but when I said that, I had no idea I would ever tire of sleeping with her. It's just not that interesting, and I think adding in other people might be the jolt I need. I don't want to do it behind her back, and I'm willing to let her be with another man if that's what I have to do to get what I need. My question: What is the best way to bring this up without hurting my wife's feelings?

Sharin Iscarin

Uhhh, since this swinging shit wasn't her idea, Mr. Iscarin, there's a good chance your little plan will hurt her feelings — and your relationship — no matter what you say. She'll read between the lines and realize your proposal is just a ruse for you to cheat without consequences, and that you want to whore her out. Both sound like a jolly old time, but you're walking on thin ice. She'll either agree and resent you for it later or refuse and hate your ass for even suggesting it. It's your funeral (or your alimony), babe. Some folks might remind you that you vowed to forsake all others, and suggest that you suppress your dick's boredom. And unless you're the kind of person who can separate emotion from sex, "the life" can be marriage suicide. Although the prospect of dipping your stick into a fresh piece of pussy sounds divine, close your eyes and imagine another man ramming his meat into your wife. Kinda makes you want to drop the swinger idea and straight-out cheat, doesn't it?

But the bitch did marry you, so maybe she'll be with it. For that reason, I'll help ya out. You have a couple of options to test the swinging waters: Take her to a strip club and see how she reacts when other pussies are around, or tell her about a "friend" who recently started swinging and see how she responds.

If she's not into it, and you still want to fuck someone else, do your wife a favor and either divorce her so she can find a man who will be content with just her, or fuckin' cheat. Why does she have to shag someone else just because you want to? Be a man — go find a mistress and hide it from the wifey. Then when your mistress gets pregnant, y'all can go on Maury and I can laugh at you.

Got a question? E-mail kitty@miaminewtimes.com.