Mixed Martial Arts Is Gay

At a Kendall bar, repressed homosexuality can bloody your nose.

"If you could watch any girls duke it out in an octagon cage, who would they be?"

Jason tightens his arm and draws his petite companion closer.

"My girl versus Elizabeth Hurley," he says. "It would be great titties against great titties, and I love some great titties."

Wardell Brown

Just then Sherk gets knocked out on the floor of a bloody cage. As groups of men jump up to hug one another in excitement, I can't help but think that at this moment, Jason might be the only one in the place with a preference for the females of the species.

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36 comments
Elias Escobar
Elias Escobar

I don't like mma, i quiet today, it's like human cock fighting I should say, and it's not even funny at all, because most of the time, they would just wait for each other that who will throw the first punch/kick.

Army Navy
Army Navy

MMA = MAN ON MAN ACTION! THE NUMBER ONE PAY PER VIEW BUY % WISE IN THE USA IS SAN FRANCISCO! THE GAYEST CITY IN THE WORLD!

Frank
Frank

There were a couple of male "grapplers" at my office last year. They recently got married to each other and moved to San Francisco.

Before they took up this hobby together they dated a lot of girls. Soon after they started training Gracie Jiu Jitsu they moved in together, so they could "train" in their basement.

The rest is history.

So the next question is, can MMA training MAKE you gay?

Ricardo V
Ricardo V

true this was written badly but MMA is still an excuse for closet gays and angry teens to be happy AND manly. MMA is going down in viewers that's why it's on CBS.. For free.

randall
randall

"Grow up, idiot. Write about something you know about... being under-educated, overweight, and ugly on both the outside *and* inside. Your Myspace page confirms what a shallow, self-centered bitch you are. Comment by Joe Q. Public from Miami Beach on Jul 15th, 2008, 13:23 pm"

^^^ haha..i checked out her myspace as well and was not shocked to learn what a fat, nasty, wanna-be whore she is. she for sure falls into the borderline-lesbian-not-by-choice crowd.

on an even funnier note..the mma school i train at used to advertise in this publication. up until this article they at least! she cost miami new times almost $1000 a month from my school alone. not sure how many other schools pulled their ads but i'm sure we weren't the only one. great job skank...with one school alone you cost your employer more $ than your pathetic salary!

B
B

I have a problem with this article. It's not the mocking tone, the juvenile humor or the facile way with which the writer approaches this subject.

It's that this is an old joke. It's been done. I've been hearing it for at least 5 years, probably longer. Television shows have lampooned this.

I do Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and I'm comfortable in my heterosexuality. I'm not comfortable with tired humor.

Joe E.
Joe E.

In life-or-death mortal combat, if you're not man enough to grab a handful of balls and yank 'em clean off, your enemy might do it first. And then you'll really feel gay, seeing as how you will have lost your balls. MMA is about as close to real fighting as you can get, so the same thing applies. You wanna win full contact competition, you gotta get close. It's gay, but it's not homosexual. Figure out that conundrum.

LMNO
LMNO

Yes,MMA is a pretty gay sport. And all of the tough guys in the world that want to make fun of the writer, threaten the writer (or anyone else that disagrees with them) only helps to prove the point.

Franklin is a liar
Franklin is a liar

Richard Franklin is a liar. He said:

"UFC PPV's regularly surpass boxing, and CBS is now showing MMA too. Soon it will rival the NFL, NBA and other more established sports. You can hate it all you want, and it will continue to thrive, despite whatever juvenile insults you haters come up with."

Flat out lie. Mayweather's two boxing matches in 2007 netted a total of 3.6million ppv buys. While the top SIX UFC cards netted 3.2million ppv buys. Mayweather v SIX UFC cards. And those UFC cards typically have more than 4 different fights.

Also, UFC 80 (Rapid Fire) went up against two boxers well past their primes (Roy Jones & Felix Trinidad). This happened this past January. UFC 80 received 225,000 ppv buys. Not bad.... right? Well, let's see what Jones v Trinidad did. The fight that was mocked regularly in the media and by mma fans alike for being irrelevant. Jones v Trinidad pulled in 500,000 ppv buys. It more than doubled what UFC 80 did. They aired the same day.

So, Richard Franklin is a liar. UFC is not "regularly surpassing" anything.And, since 2006 & the beginning of 2007, the buy rates for UFC or any mma event PPV has been slightly declining.Not UFC nor any other mma event will ever even come close to rivaling the NFL.... except in the minds of little mma diehard fans that pray everynight more and more people will like their sport of choice.

Martin Rothman
Martin Rothman

elyse wanshel(EW) is a liar... she lies! guys don't hug after MMA... that's a big fat lie and i know because I've been going to MMA since they started showin them at the hooligan's. plus my girl drags me to go. EW hints that girls don't want to be there. another lie. she says whatever to prove her ridiculous point and write her dumb article. also, is she blind to the fact that they are fighting, not fucking? the true gayness of an act is based on the intentions of the individuals and the nature of the act. they are fighting for dominance like stags who lock antlers. anyone who's ever stood around a schoolyard brawl knows why people watch fights. My girl gets turned on. I don't. why? I'm male, she's female. of course she gets randy after seeing a good-looking guy who can defend her children kick ass. that shit is biologically programmed. as for me i just want to be the ass kicker and MMA fighters' talent is admirable. anyways, i saw this article on another site. i know the true reason EW writes like she does. it's because she's a lard ass. so when she sees athletic or beautiful people gettin attention she wants a piece of the pie and attacks them and tries to reveal them with some pseudo-intellectual bullshit lie. well now ur revealed! except you can't see how fat and ugly she is anymore. she privatized her myspace page. tucked her tail and ran in cowardice and fear like most liars. her blog and pix are circulating on the web though with the article. she claims to have been practicing kickboxing for ten years. sorry kid, never heard of ya. that must mean you suck. she also says "many people" find MMA gayness obvious. EW, you are the one who is obvious. you are a jealous and bitter human, and you're not very smart. try writing for cereal boxes.

Martin Skfiizl
Martin Skfiizl

MMA may be stimulating for gays, like the Sears' catalog lingerie section is for 10 year-old boys. But that does not mean it's intrinsically gay. Does it?

Stephen Petroyev
Stephen Petroyev

It�s hard to shuck away the fat from Ms. Wanshel�s argument�namely, that the popularity of Mixed Martial Arts among males is due to some pandemic homosexual latency. This is journalism (and writing) at its worst, devoid of any wit, originality, or insight; unstudied, poorly researched, ill-conceived, and ham-handed. Elyse Wanshel cannot walk into a crowded room and discern a single truth. Her principal talent is the ability to zone-in on idiotic interviewees and extract glib replies from them to support her weak dialectic while also trapping them in her hollow syllogisms. How shameful it is for this to be New Times� first article on MMA (to my knowledge) and to mention nothing of Helio Gracie, the sport�s progenitor, or the locality of a Gracie Academy in North East Miami, or shootfighting pioneer Bart Vale. Ask Wanshel why they no longer use gis in the UFC and she won�t have an answer; ask her how a triangle choke disables an opponent and she will want for reply; ask her why full guard is effective defense against an assailant, and she come up with some depravity. She didn�t do any research, happy instead to rely on her self-righteous conjecture. She is also apparently oblivious to the fact that she demonizes homosexuality, using the neologism gay in a subtly derogatory manner. One more thing: Do you see the title? �Mixed Martial Arts is Gay.� This headline speaks to this woman�s laziness. Could she have put in any less work? I have only to reverse it a little��How gay is MMA?� and I at least have a rhyme and do not make an assertion which goes unsubstantiated. Writing is exploration, honest expression, and inquiry into the unknown. To Wanshel, writing is a quick fix, an exercise in gimmickry and sensationalism; it is also that to the New Times which allowed such balderdash to be printed only so they could use the fame of something much bigger than them to get eyes on the page. Elyse Wanshel�s article is all cellulite, an obese piece of writing, bloated with insinuation; it is turgid with presumptiveness, tactless, and elitist. It is a shame she will stay employed and continue to write. If New Times doesn�t care about hiring good journalists, I doubt they care about firing bad ones.

Richard Franklin
Richard Franklin

If you don't like MMA, that's OK. It's *the* most popular emerging sport, and it will continue to become more popular and draw more fans. UFC PPV's regularly surpass boxing, and CBS is now showing MMA too. Soon it will rival the NFL, NBA and other more established sports. You can hate it all you want, and it will continue to thrive, despite whatever juvenile insults you haters come up with.

Let's get real, shall we? She writes a total hatchet-job saying MMA fans (and sports fans in general) are repressed homosexuals... and then you act suprised at the negative reaction? There wasn't an ounce of fairness or objectivity anywhere in that article.

Her article was an embarassment to herself and New Times. Every line of dialogue sounded fake and invented. The vulgarity was over the top, even for an alternative paper. The article wasn't even that significant to warrant the cover art. I thought the article about police harassing photographers was much more significant and should have been featured on the cover.

Hey Wanshel, next time why don't you make an effort to treat the sport and its fans fairly? Or is fairness not a part of your standard operating procedure?

BOSS(HENDERSON SILVA FTW)
BOSS(HENDERSON SILVA FTW)

what a poor excuse of an article i really hope you were in an altered state of mind at the time of the writing if not then you have displayed nothing more than childish ignorance, MMA is to elite for you to understand so go back to writing about fle markets and dishwashers you ignorant troll

WARR MMA WARR TIM SYLVIA!!!!!!

Bill Mason
Bill Mason

More proof mma fans are emotionally unstable freaks.

Sorry to break it to you boys, but the author isn't the only person that thinks your sport is lame (and very odd, considering the nature of it) and that the bulk of the fans (most of them that came here to post) are pathetic.

Thanks for proving the assumption correct, many times over.

Fred Budget
Fred Budget

oh wow, it's a woman?! i bet she watches the hills and sex and the city while typing her articles out. chances are this girl is sexually starved and just plain bitter. everyone's right, fire this writer, for your own good.

Joe
Joe

If you're an MMA fan:

Why bother getting mad about the article? The writer just wanted to write something like this to piss fans off and get a reaction. Which is exactly what happened. The best thing we can all do is not waste time thinking about someone who doesn't matter and watch more MMA.

If you think MMA is gay:

Good for you. You have your opinion, that I don't care about, and I have mine, that you don't care about.

Adam
Adam

I am most offended at the fact that this isnt even funny, it just seems a little too aggressive and kind of sad.

Fred Budget
Fred Budget

the miami what? i reckon someone has some insecurities they need to deal with, know what else is gay? when you think you are an expert on pointing out homosexuality. get real.

john trudeau
john trudeau

Surprised a women would be so vulgar, reading this I thought it was written by a homophobic male.

Elyse Wanshel if you are right and MMA is gay, seems you hate gay people. Surprised you have a job bashing gays in Miami, thought it was a more progressive city.

Also there was a MMA promotion in Japan called "Pride" so maybe your it is gay, and whats wrong with being gay Miss Wanshel?

The Fire Zouave
The Fire Zouave

Fellow MMA fans, this is not even a legitimate news outlet, let alone a legitimate article. This is an "alternative weekly' rag produced for the freaks and degenerates of Miami. The author who wrote this is 67% likely gay. 90% of the regular readership is most likely gay. Every major city has one of these freak shows in print . At least their personals are good for a laugh. Moving right along...

Jeff Belzer
Jeff Belzer

Can mma fans read?You children keep refering to the author as "he", "him", "his". The author is a lady!If you mma freaks can't get a person's gender right when refering to them, why should we think your opinion matters much on this topic?

John
John

The writer's editor should be held responsible for crap like this making it to print. Initially I was shocked that the story warranted coverage in the featured stories section - then I saw the printed version cover and decided that the New Times is in fact a glorified high school newspaper. All of the writers for the paper that actually produce decent work should be disgusted that this hack has her by line on the front page. I'm embarrassed for you New Times.

Anderson Cadillac
Anderson Cadillac

Some of these mma fans just prove the true nature of mma.An author can't disagree with your beloved sport with out tears flowing from the mma contingency?Guess what, super fans? At my pub we stopped buying the PPVs for mma because your fan viewership has dropped drastically in the past 2 years.

Joe Q. Public
Joe Q. Public

What a complete tool. Her piece of shit article was overloaded with vulgarity, invented dialogue, and extremely juvenile.

Grow up, idiot. Write about something you know about... being under-educated, overweight, and ugly on both the outside *and* inside. Your Myspace page confirms what a shallow, self-centered bitch you are.

Nathan
Nathan

IN other words your ugly ass went to the bar to get laid. You got no interest from the guys or the women. So you decided to bash the sport that garnered the guys interest. Your trying to make a name for yourself by calling the fastest growing sport in north america "GAY". Which leads me to believe you already blew all of your bosses but still didn't get the promotion. What do women know about sports anyways? Especially some ugly cock obssessed hack writer like yourself.

Joe Marino
Joe Marino

Writing is Gay!

You have to grip a phallic utensil to scribble out your notes, so that must make it gay. Also, I asked a guy, "If you could watch any two girls writing news articles, who would they be?" and the fact that he answered with a lewd comment about good-looking celebrities proves that writing is gay.

After all, writing is an art, and only gay guys like art. There's too much passion and emotion involved for straight men to enjoy it, which is yet more evidence that only repressed homosexuals are actually writers.

Also, I met a guy who sometimes writes instead of paying attention to his girlfriend, even when she's around. That's totally gay.

Wow, it is totally easy to take a random concept and start making the claim that it's gay. All you need is foregone conclusions, stereotypes, and a few drunken idiots! I should get a job at the Miami New Times.

Hector Meeker Sinclair
Hector Meeker Sinclair

So I just finished reading this well thought out article and wondered what really makes you feel this way. Surely you didn't actually watch the fights, or take the time to understand the sport and what is happening. You did however draw a rash conclusion of the perceived sexuality of a male dominanted sport, not because of what was actually happening, but more because none of the male patrons of the bar wanted anything to do with you or your plastic fugly friends. So mosey on down to club or lounge filled with metrosexuals and closet dwellers and satisfy your desperate need for attention there, MMA doesn't need skanks like you they already have ring girls.

Thanks HMS

M Es-Hari
M Es-Hari

It used to be gay until the state athletic commissions outlawed sodomy as a legitimate submission technique back in 1997. I've lost interest since then.

Andreas
Andreas

sounds like the journalist got issues with his own sexuality hehe

"fuck don't hug me dude!! that's gay" or "I need to really put everything into showing how masculine and non gay i am" we all know the type ;)

MMA is the greatest sport in the world! and anyone with a decent IQ will be able to see how tactical and technical the sport is. It's like science. Only the most intelligent fighters rise to the top

James
James

Not to come off as a total jerk, but did you guys read the writer's work before you hired him? This is the most unprofessional thing i've ever read, and it honestly brings down any reason for me to ever visit this website again.

Mike
Mike

Absolutely fantastic, provocative journalism. The only thing more remarkably worthless than your opinion is your technical writing ability. You'd think in a 500 word piece, standing solely on gay innuendo, you'd be able to elicit at least one memorably humorous line. Echoing endless other bottom-feeding pseudo-journalists would be forgivable if it at least, was well-written. You fail on all accounts. Maybe Christopher Hitchen's piece on "Why Women Aren't Funny" in Vanity Fair could shed some light.

I do understand, your editor asked you to do a piece on something you don't give a shit about because its "hot right now", but for christ's sake, do a lexus nexus search, do some fucking research. Maybe you could even take a 10 minute break from recounting your "witty banter" with plebes at a bar and consider if maybe the appeal of mma stems from 100,000 years of evolutionary reinforcement of primal combat; how this drive remains inextinguishable and manifests itself in a 21st century world where violent behavior is not tolerated.

There are so many directions you could have gone: light and humorous, provocative and insightful look into primal urges, the business aspect, etc. You chose light and humorous, it was weightless to be sure, but humorous, it was not. Maybe you chose the wrong profession. Have you considered waiting tables?

John Derry
John Derry

I kind of like the sport (mma). But yeah, alot of the positions in it are kind of gay. There's a north-south, which is pretty much just called that because if they called it a 69, fighters and fans would recoil in shock.For me, mma is kind of a fad. Maybe I'm just not the super-mma fan some of these guys, but that's fine with me.But to deny that there is something homoerotic about it would be lying to yourself.Comparisons to baseball and basketball just don't square up.You've got two men, only wearing trunks, wrapping legs around each other. Look at the triangle choke hold, a guy wraps his legs around another man's arm and neck and pulls his opponents head into the pit of his crotch.Yes.... mma is ATLEAST a little gay. If not alot.

john a lujan
john a lujan

you people are pathetic get in the ring and see if it feels good to have someone pound the hell out of your face or else would you prefer your arm snaped at the elbow! idiots! zsqk

John
John

The consistent crap that this writer produces is record book worthy. Seriously, could the New Times discredit itself any further? Including a piece that you would find written by a sophomore high school student in response to the question "What were some highlights of your weekend?" in the Featured Stories section is mind boggling. The title of the piece is stupid, the fact that the focus of the story seems to have been born out of a stupid comment by a woman about the sport is one highlight of the writer's laziness, and the final thought that ends the piece proves that the writer is quite possibly an imbecile. Pure unadulterated irrelevance, lacking any semblance of humor, irony, wit, and storytelling - thank you New Times and thank you Elyse Wanshel for a big stinkin waste of time. The journalistic equivalent of Fabio.

 
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