Rival Fish

For some time, Major League Baseball has been trying to force-feed us an intrastate rivalry between the Florida Marlins and the Tampa Bay Rays that just isn’t there. Perhaps we can help by concocting our own reasons to hate the Rays (and vice versa).

For instance, team names. We have the Marlins; they have the Rays. The edge clearly goes to Florida, because c’mon. Rays? Why not just call them the Richards (or the Dicks)? Both teams have budding superstars. The Marlins have Hanley Ramirez. The Rays have Evan Longoria. That’s the NL’s best shortstop versus the broad from Desperate Housewives who’s married to the unibrowed French NBA player. Again, gotta give the edge to Florida. Finally, there are the managers. Florida is led by Fredi Gonzalez, who looks like a guy who should be sporting a pencil behind his ear and providing pipefitting tips at your local Home Depot. Meanwhile, Rays manager, Joe Maddon, is an old guy who wears hipster horn-rimmed glasses. Hmm. Call it even? Maybe they should just settle this on the field after all. First pitch is at 7:10 p.m. at Dolphin Stadium. Visit florida.marlins.mlb.com to purchase tickets.
Tue., June 24, 7:10 p.m., 2008