Music

Blaze of Glory

Jon Bon Jovi for governor?

By Cole Haddon 

In case you missed it, a rumor began to circulate this past November that none other than Jon Bon Jovi was interested in running for governor of New Jersey. The rumor was largely instigated by the fact that Jon hired political public relations guru Ken Sunshine to ... well, who knows what for? Of course, Jon has since denied he has designs to become the Garden State's first rock and roll governor, but that doesn't stop us from hoping he eventually changes his mind. Here are a few reasons why.

Jon Bon Jovi is tough on crime, according to "Wanted Dead or Alive," which he could play as an entrance song at NRA conventions: "I'm a cowboy, on a steel horse I ride/I'm wanted dead or alive/I'm a cowboy, I got the night on my side/I'm wanted dead or alive." On second thought, we don't know what that even means, but it sounds pretty bad-ass.

Jon Bon Jovi is not a friend of insurance companies. Just listen to "Bad Medicine": "Your love is like bad medicine/Bad medicine is what I need/Shake it up, just like bad medicine/There ain't no doctor that can cure my disease." Um ... again, what does that even mean? Let's just hope he hires a speechwriter before he announces his platform.

Jon Bon Jovi is against drug use, even though he has tried his fair share. After all, our last two presidents have admitted to it. Hell, even Barack Obama has confessed to trying cocaine. Twenty years ago, being able to say you marched on Washington was enough to sound qualified for a political seat. These days, getting high will do the trick.

Jon Bon Jovi believes in a Christian God, just like 80 percent of Americans. Need proof? Give his ode to the Almighty, "Livin' on a Prayer," a spin sometime: "Tommy used to work on the docks/Union's been on strike/He's down on his luck/It's tough, so tough." Actually, that doesn't sound very religious at all, but you know what it does sound like ...

Jon Bon Jovi is a friend of the working man. Again, see "Livin' on a Prayer": "Gina works the diner all day/Working for her man, she brings home her pay." Well, when you put it that way, Tommy sounds like a lazy dick who's living not on a prayer but off his gullible girlfriend, with proclamations of love being more important than a secure financial future. Okay, skip "Livin' on a Prayer." It's a shitty song anyway.

Jon Bon Jovi is a proud New Jersey native. If you don't believe us, listen to the lyrics to his hit "Who Says You Can't Go Home": "Who says you can't go home/There's only one place they call me one of their own/Just a hometown boy, born a rolling stone/Who says you can't go home." Born and bred in Sayreville, he's always going to call New York ... er, we mean New Jersey home. The fact that he lives in SoHo doesn't change that.