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A Pregnant Pause
Continued from page 1
Published: April 10, 2008Boss man quickly glanced at me, scratched his goatee, and waved me through. The bouncer was the only one I met all night who seemed to care about the baby.
To the beat of blaring reggaeton, I shimmied up to a red-lit bar, licked some salt, downed some tequila, and sucked on a lime. Lola jutted her chin toward a stripper pole elevated in the middle of the dance floor. I climbed it and seductively slithered downward.
A group of scuzzy girls in skin-tight dresses stopped dancing. I hiked up my skirt, wrapped my leg around the pole, and twirled. They laughed and booty-danced around me.
It was almost 2 a.m., and after a quick trip to the CocoWalk ladies' room to restuff my bra, Lola and I noticed the party was still popping at Fat Tuesday (3015 Grand Ave., Ste. 260, Coconut Grove). Upon arrival, we were both immediately inked with a stamp that read, "$1 Jell-O shots." Fantastic.
As I ordered a mudslide and a Heineken, Lola spotted a group of guys giving away a tray of what looked like about 30 red coagulated shots.
"Hey, can I get a couple of those?" she asked a tall, pasty guy from South Dakota.
"Who are they for?" interrupted his short, bulldoggish friend. Lola explained they were for her ... and me.
"But she's pregnant," he said, his face flushed.
"So?" said Lola. "She's been drinking all night."
"Aw, man, that's the number one rule for girls. You don't drink when you're pregnant."
"That's so messed up," South Dakota persisted. "Her baby is going to be a retard."
"Well, I drank throughout my pregnancy," said Lola, downing one of their shots.
"Well," he said like a devoted reader of Pregnancy.org. "Your baby must be a fucking retard then."
That is incredibly hilarious. I'm totally going to try it this weekend. Well, not really, but I do wish I would've thought of it first. It's interesting how men seemed more concerned about your fake unborn child than women.
Comment by lucy — April 9, 2008 @ 09:06PM
Certainly, a drunk who also happens to be eight months pregnant would not be swayed by a stranger's efforts to highlight her risky behavior, so why should anyone put forth the effort. Free will exists so that people can mess up their kids' lives in the name of a good time. I didn't find the piece interesting or funny, if I saw a pregnant woman out drinking heavily, I'd look on in disgust, but I know my time and efforts are better served getting involved in things I can actually have a positive effect on. Everyone knows women shouldn't get trashed when pregnant, why should anyone feel the need to try and convince someone else of that.
Comment by jean — April 10, 2008 @ 11:03AM
HA-LARIOUS! I love that you play your parts so well - you're my hero :] LOL!
Jean, who commented below, needs to lighten the eff up...
Comment by Lisa — April 10, 2008 @ 12:48PM
The writer's goal seems to have been to find someone who cared about her being pregnant and drinking, like she wasn't while she was with child. The fact that her goal wasn't achieved is hilarious? You reinforce her point. This whole exercise is worthless and an embarrassing waste of space for the paper. You people think too small. Why not pay a crack-addicted pregnant woman to do the report, that way it garners real worthwhile attention, not just that from women who are fat pigs but would LOVE to hide their FAT ASSES behind fake pregnant stomachs. Actually that is really funny - you fat ass pigs can put on the fake pregnant bellies, and go out drinking and dancing and the rest of us might not look at you with the same type of disgust that we usually do. Report to us if you get shamed for being pregnant and fat like you do just for being fat. That's interesting.
Comment by Jean — April 10, 2008 @ 10:21PM
I found this article to be funny, extertaining and very well written. Keep up the good work!
Comment by Lizzie — April 11, 2008 @ 11:27AM
I forgot to mention that Jean sounds like an incredibly jealous hag.
Comment by Lizzie — April 11, 2008 @ 11:30AM
I forgot to mention that Jean sounds like an incredibly jealous hag.
Comment by Lizzie — April 11, 2008 @ 11:30AM
Thats IT!!!, no interesting revelations at the end of this experience, no outstanding confrontations!?! BOOOO.
Props on the balls to go out and role play all night long though! However, I agree with the comment that this type of energy and effort could have been better spent on a more positive subject...24
Comment by martiGRASS — April 12, 2008 @ 02:03PM
Thats IT!!!, no interesting revelations at the end of this experience, no outstanding confrontations!?! BOOOO.
Props on the balls to go out and role play all night long though! However, I agree with the comment that this type of energy and effort could have been better spent on a more positive subject...24
Comment by martiGRASS — April 12, 2008 @ 02:03PM
Thats IT!!!, no interesting revelations at the end of this experience, no outstanding confrontations!?! BOOOO.
Props on the balls to go out and role play all night long though! However, I agree with the comment that this type of energy and effort could have been better spent on a more positive subject...24
Comment by martiGRASS — April 12, 2008 @ 02:03PM
Hillarious! forget the haters, just wish I had been there.
Comment by Jake — April 13, 2008 @ 10:15PM
Thank you New Times and Ms. Wanshel for a piece of writing that is far below anything that is worth being considered journalism. I am glad that Ms. Wanshel and some of the individuals that left comments enjoyed her little prank and the various statements and looks of concerns that it elicited. But it is okay... she is not really pregnant... ha ha. What if Ms. Wanshel wrote about her night clubbing while acting as if she was severely retarded? Would she share how the other patrons that night would glance at her with expressions of shock and uneasiness. Would that be funny enough to print? Oh but I am just a hater... you should be ashamed of yourself for nothing short of a Jack Ass type prank that maybe a bit too low for even them to do.
Comment by John — April 16, 2008 @ 11:31AM