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Recent Articles By Elyse Wanshel

National Features

Once the parade reaches the beach, the Juggalos (as extreme fans of Insane Clown Posse call themselves) begin discussing their, um, annual talent competition, Miss Juggalo.

"It used to be a contest to see which girl knew the most about ICP," Tamargo says. "Now it's all about just getting really slutty onstage."

"Yeah," says Blarrrg, whose thin brown hair drapes over one of her many layers of baggy black clothing, "that's why I never win, because I don't take my clothes off."

"That's how I knew you were a classy lady," Tamargo responds.

Blarrrg tells me about some of the quests she's experienced playing Morton's List, a game beloved by Juggalo society. In one quest, for instance, she had to construct a kite. Another entailed her taking a crap in the tank of a toilet in a CVS ladies' room.

Blarrrg's last story causes me to yearn for a good old brain-eating anecdote. I turn to Nathan, who is helping to unroll a giant $50,000 check endorsed by the Rock, Paper, Scissors Society that also doubles as a sticker, presenting a dilemma for the winner — cash the check or stick it on one's wall?

"So what's your favorite part of eating a brain?" I ask him.

"The texture," he says. "It's like shark meat. Have you ever had shark meat?"

Who hasn't?

"And what goes good with brains?" I ask.

"Mojitos," Jess quickly responds as the competition begins with a quick snack of bananas Tamargo serves us in a hollowed-out skull.

As we all unpeel the fruit, Jess proposes a toast. We raise our bananas in the air.

"To potassium!" he says.

"To potassium!" we repeat.

"To me," adds Jess, "it just tastes like chicken."

Write Your Comment show comments (6)
  1. For more info on this and future events, Please Visit
    www.mortonslist.com, www.myspace.com/ramgog

    Thank You Elyse and Julie for your participation and spreading of the Zombie Virus! Hope you ladies had fun!

  2. that is fuckin hilarious! makes me sad that i didnt make it till the next night!

  3. mmmm! braaains!

    Zombies, mojitos, and bananas; what else do you need?

  4. mmmm! braaains!

    Zombies, mojitos, and bananas; what else do you need?

    great article

  5. HEY FATTY... WHY DON"T YOU EAT ANOTHER BANANA!! HOW MANY DID YOU EAT??? I BELIEVE IT WAS A WHOLE BUNCH... I THINK YOU SOLEY CAME OUT TO EAT, YOU FAT BLOB OF GOO... I don't even know HOW you were given a job at a Newspaper (even a free one at that) because your reporting skills suck about the same way you were sucking down that Fruit.

  6. WOW, this is soo cool!!!










    I can't believe this group of douchebags got an article in the New Times. They are ALMOST as lame as Insane Clown Posse. Whats next? Are you going to report on middle school student antics at Dolphin Mall? Give me a break. Go back to Coral Springs or wherever.

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