By Nate "Igor" Smith
By Abel Folgar
By Kat Bein
By Jacob Katel
By Karli Evans
By Jose D. Duran
By Pablo Chacon Alvarez
If you have breasts and attended a Mötley Crüe concert in the Eighties, odds are you had sex with one of, some of, or all of the band members. But, ahh, wasn't that the raison d'être for being a rock star during the greatest decade of rock decadence mankind will ever know? To screw every single groupie who stumbled into your dressing room, tour bus, limo, or lap? It certainly was for Vince Neil, which is why, with him hitting town and all, we thought it a great time to reminisce about days and lays past by chronicling some of the Mötley Crüe frontman's conquests. Unfortunately said conquests turned out to be so numerous and so willing to brag about their experience that we had to instead compress the thousands of participants into a few fictional, though representative, women. Enjoy!
Denise Valletta and Ricki Menkel: Denise was working as a fry cook in Kansas City, Missouri, when her boss, Harley, had to leave town for a funeral. He had Crüe concert tickets for the weekend, and thus offered them to Denise and her co-worker, Ricki. As the two women waited in line, "a friend of Vince's" asked Denise, who wasn't wearing a bra, to come backstage for a little "preshow party." She refused, unless Ricki could come too. These days Denise is uncomfortable giving many details beyond this, but Ricki explains that Vince asked the girls to do things to each other that led to an awkward work environment afterward. The rocker went onstage immediately following whatever went down, having had his people kick Denise and Ricki out the back. Vince doesn't like long goodbyes.
Ashley Simonson: After 90 minutes of signing autographs during an in-store appearance at Record Stop to promote Dr. Feelgood, Vince needed a smoke break. The 19-year-old assistant store manager, a part-time community college nursing student named Ashley, announced this to the rocker's waiting fans. What happened next is something of legend at the still-independent music store, where employees speak of the event as if Ashley communicated directly with God in the alley out back. Long story short, a photograph of Ashley, hunched over a garbage can with Vince behind her, giving the cameraman a thumbs up, still hangs behind the counter. Attaboy, Vince!
Martina and Erin Driscoll: They're not sisters. They're mother and daughter from San Jose, California. Martina's husband Jeff moved out after he walked in on Vince with both his beloved wife and stepdaughter. Later Jeff became a roadie for Vince, who taught him how to make groupies like his ex-wife and stepdaughter work for their rock star access. Don't ever say Vince doesn't give back to his fans.