A Tranny's Remorse

Michael Berke did everything but remove his member. Now he's unsure about the change.

"That's when I said, 'Tomorrow I'm going to start living as a woman.'" Soon there was a nose job, a brow lift, fat injections in the cheeks, breast implants, electrolysis, hormones, and more. "I love surgery!" Berke says. "I love waking up to the painkiller fairy."

He also loved being pretty. Michelle had long reddish locks bonded to her scalp at the Hair Club for Women, and for her $300-per-month membership, she could have the hair styled and rebonded when necessary. Then came the butterfly and flower tattoos, placed strategically over the Mohawked skull on the left forearm.

She dressed her new body in fashionable, provocative clothing. She bought accessories. She taught herself to speak from the diaphragm, and walked in heels like she was born to do it. "I even developed an eating disorder," Berke says with pride. In a matter of months, Michelle's bulimia shrank her from a size 12 to a 7. She weighed 150.

Mikey cum facial hair
C. Stiles
Mikey cum facial hair
Michelle cum underwear
Courtesy of Michael Berke
Michelle cum underwear

"One time I was a little pissed," says Ben, an acquaintance, "'cause I saw Michelle from a block away and I was like, 'Who's that hot chick?' Then I was like, 'Oh, it's Michael.' It made me feel like I was gay for a second."

Another day, at Starbucks, a man approached Michelle and asked her to dinner. She informed him she wasn't interested in men sexually, but he didn't mind. He took her to an upscale sushi restaurant and bought her toro, the most expensive cut of tuna.

"I got to feel what it would be like to be treated like a lady," Berke says. "It was just so beautiful."

But soon what Berke calls "the pink cloud" — the honeymoon phase of being female — began to disappear.

Seeking comfort, Michelle landed in the pews of Fort Lauderdale's Calvary Chapel, South Florida's largest megachurch, which claims about 18,000 Protestant congregants. Soon she began speaking with a biblical counselor, Deacon Craig Houston. God would not accept Michelle, he told her. Over the next few weeks, the church had her watch an anti-transsexual video and toss some of her books, Berke says.

"Do you think God makes mistakes?" Berke remembers Houston asking Michelle.

"I couldn't argue with that," Berke says. "I immediately decided to go back."

He cut off all of his hair and stopped wearing makeup. The brow lift had left Berke's bald head with a thin rainbow of a scar from ear to ear. For two weeks he wore giant T-shirts to conceal the 36-Ds. Then, in what felt like a miracle, the church agreed to pay for the removal of the breast implants.

Soon, though, he lost interest in the church. "I couldn't get myself to believe that a guy rose from the dead," he says, shaking his head.

After again trying to commit suicide, he spent time in the hospital and then returned home to find it had been burglarized. Berke immediately traded in his Nissan Altima for a Harley. He rode around for three days "ready for war," he says. On the third day, he pulled up to Calvary Chapel and burst through the doors with a picture of his female self in one hand. "This is who I used to be, and I was happy to be her," he announced.

After being asked to leave the church, he went home and kicked in the door to his oven. Then he had a mental breakdown.

A year later he takes pleasure in his Harley and rides around with a bunch of guys who barely know him. Sometimes he's very angry. Sometimes he thinks about going back on hormones — just to feel more feminine. It seems to depend on what mood you catch him in.

"I think Michael is quite capable of morphing into different things," Ben says. "I think he's almost done with the biker thing. There will be another incarnation. It'll have to be something different and shocking."

« Previous Page
 |
 
1
 
2
 
All
 
My Voice Nation Help
0 comments
 
Miami Concert Tickets
Loading...