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Today Kercher claims TMC fields hundreds of e-mails each month from reviewers all over the world. His hometown of Miami has a special place on the site, though.
Churchill's, located at 5501 NE Second Ave., receives zero for cleanliness and one roll overall. TMC warns patrons to beware of three things: "Don't eat the food, don't wander too far, and don't crap."
Manni White, a lanky, weathered creature in a grubby white T-shirt, fell through the doorway of the bathroom on a recent Tuesday evening while fumbling for his car keys. "I'd rather take my chances behind the bushes," he joked. "I fucking love this place, but they're right don't take a crap there; something might reach up and bite your ass."
An equally inebriated Peter Bates was quick to defend the beloved watering hole: "If they start making everything posh, the place wouldn't be same," he jibed. "If you don't like it, don't use it. The liquor is cheap who cares about the loo?"
Lincoln Road's Van Dyke Café, on the other hand, reaps a three-roll rating, an almost craptastic score. According to CQ: "Restrooms are well appointed and private," complete with "handicrapping, accessible by using an elevator."
"The bathrooms are very clean, yes," noted Consuela, a patron who not-so-gracefully declined to give New Timesher surname. "But I don't think I want to discuss what I did in there. Some things a lady likes to keep to herself."
Among the city's highest-ranked crappers are the facilities at Doral Golf Resort and Spa (a Marriott Resort), which boasts an overall four-roll rating, and North Miami Beach's Ale House, which comes up slightly behind with a three and a half.
"How can you beat good food, cold beer, and clean and private crappers?" TMC asks. "No more needs be said."