You've Been Ralphed!

Hialeah homeboy Ralphige has become the most notorious crank caller in the world of hip-hop. Jerky Boys, watch your back

Ralphige, himself a lifelong hip-hop fan, admits the calls are "like a power trip. Like all these rappers, they constantly get their asses kissed by everybody and here comes me, ruining their entire day. I guess if I'm remembered as that asshole who called him out on his shit, I'm satisfied."

Not surprisingly Ralphige says he was your typical neighborhood menace. He toilet-papered countless houses, and racked up the school suspensions. He says he's only been arrested once for his telephonic high jinks. "It was my first real prank call," he recalls, "I called this car wash in Coral Gables and pretended that I worked with Snoop [Dogg] and told the owner that the movie Car Wash with Snoop in it was based on his car wash and we were gonna fly him out to L.A. and give him a fat check."

He foolishly gave his victim his beeper number, which led to a visit from the cops. He was charged with misdemeanor harrassment and pleaded no contest to avoid jail. After that, he says, he made it a point to know "what would get me arrested. Like, for instance, threatening, constant calling after they said not to call, bomb threats, shit like that. However, threatening gangsta rappers is an exception! Can you imagine a 50 Cent calling the cops saying some dude is threatening to beat him up?"

Yo, is your refrigerator running?
Yo, is your refrigerator running?

One other advantage to pranking hip-hop stars? "They have that reputation to uphold, so they're more likely to threaten you." He's well aware that there are a lot of folks out there who would like to beat his ass. But he says he takes precautions. Trace his Website, for instance, and you'll find your way to only one physical address. "It's Brenda and Brandon's house on 90210!" He chuckles. "So all those lawsuits and litigations are going to some dude living in Beverly Hills."

Is he ever worried that someone will eventually find him and sue him? "Yeah, sure. But unless I sell a million CDs, it probably won't be worth suing. Their lawyer bill is worth more than what I make off this shit!"

Odds are Scott Storch would like a crack at Ralphige. Storch, the hip-hop megaproducer, is Ralphige's favorite victim to date. The Storch-Ralphige contretemps, in fact, has already kicked up plenty of buzz in the Internet community. Ralphige poses as "the Gregster," a pothead surfer who claims to be the boyfriend of Brooke Hogan, the latter whom Storch produced and signed to his record label. The Gregster asks a credulous Storch if he's sleeping with Hogan. Storch replies, "Hell no!" and the call devolves from there, a masterpiece of mockery that features a cameo from Brooke's dad, Hulk Hogan.

It's calls like these that have made Ralphige an underground sensation. He's hopeful his sophomore disc will be a breakthrough. In the meantime, he says he's happy to expand the roster of suckers. "I'll prank call anybody!" he exclaims. "You got George Bush's number, I'll prank call his ass and suffer the consequence later."

« Previous Page
My Voice Nation Help
Miami Concert Tickets

Concert Calendar

  • March
  • Sun
  • Mon
  • Tue
  • Wed
  • Thu
  • Fri
  • Sat