Most Popular
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Drunk Spelling Bee Buzzes Purdy They came, they drank, they spelled.
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Black Tuna Gang Leader Gets Out of Jail Robert Platshorn was the first big bust of the War on Drugs. Almost 30 years later, he's free and talking.
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The Shooting of Estefano One of Miami's best-known songwriters was nearly killed in a possible contract hit.
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Ay, Papi Wondering what to do for Dad’s special day? We got you.
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Shark Huggers Tourists can't wait to get next to them — even if they are eating machines.
Blogs
Herald Layoffs Detailed
Thu Jul 3, 7:16 PM
North Miami Allegedly Attempts to Censor Art With Dump Truck
Thu Jul 3, 2:51 PM
Last Night: Ringo Starr at Seminole Hard Rock
Fri Jul 4, 1:10 PM
Last Night: Tom Waits at The Times-Union Center for the Performing Arts
Thu Jul 3, 12:46 PM
Game On
Fri Jul 4, 6:00 AM
Lulu's Legacy
Thu Jul 3, 12:13 PM
National Features >
Broward-Palm Beach New Times
Sexual Healing
For Florida's sole remaining sex surrogate, love is a many splintered thing.
By Michael J. Mooney
City Pages
Your Friendly Neighborhood War Profiteer
It's not just giant companies cashing in on America's defense industry.
By Jeff Severns Guntzel
The Pitch
Supersizing Sonic
How a throwaway idea at the Barkley ad agency became the "Sonic Guys."
By Justin Kendall
Houston Press
Temples of Tex-Mex
A diner's guide to Texas's oldest Mexican restaurants.
By Robb Walsh
Adios, Fidelito
Our suggestions for the corpse
By New Times Staff
Published on August 03, 2006
1. Use him in a campaign ad for the strong-mayor initiative. The slogan: "What Fidel did for Cuba, Carlos Alvarez can do for Miami."
2. Lay him out, cover him in plastic, and rent him for $2000 per hour as a beach chair at the Delano.
3. Drop him at Elián's relatives' house and call it an even swap.
4. Shoot a movie, Weekend at Fidel's, in which two Miami geeks discover the old man's body in a beach house and then set out on a bender including a blow-up Paris Hilton doll.
5. Prop him in the concourse at Dolphin Stadium for a Marlins game and see if attendance finally tops 10,000.
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