Adios, Fidelito

Let's face it. Fidel Castro is either dead or headed that way. So, you wacky exiles, let's head for la isla, filch el comandante's body, and bring it home.

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More About

• Weekend Fidel
• Fidel Castro
• Dolphin Stadium
• Latin American Politics
• Government and Politics

Here are Miami New Times's suggestions for the cadaver:

1. Use him in a campaign ad for the strong-mayor initiative. The slogan: "What Fidel did for Cuba, Carlos Alvarez can do for Miami."

2. Lay him out, cover him in plastic, and rent him for $2000 per hour as a beach chair at the Delano.

3. Drop him at Elián's relatives' house and call it an even swap.

4. Shoot a movie, Weekend at Fidel's, in which two Miami geeks discover the old man's body in a beach house and then set out on a bender including a blow-up Paris Hilton doll.

5. Prop him in the concourse at Dolphin Stadium for a Marlins game and see if attendance finally tops 10,000.