VMA Weekend

2:55 p.m., Seacoast Suites Hotel, 5101 Collins Ave.: Harold Pracht, 56 years old, of Munich, Germany, descends from his room to visit with family by the pool. Upon attempting to reenter the lobby, he discovers it is locked. As is only natural, Pracht kicks in the glass door.

6:21 p.m., 41st Street and Collins Avenue: A rather vague incident report describes 34-year-old Jack Googer III of College Park, Georgia, as "Possibly involved in rap battle Re: Young Jeezy Group." No arrest.

8:44 p.m., Fifth Street and Washington Avenue: Traffic on eastbound MacArthur comes to a halt while four police cruisers surround oversize mobile billboards advertising Busta Rhymes and other artists. Four people are arrested for driving the tractor-trailers while "repeatedly honking." Calvin Bennett, 42 years old, of Opa-locka, complains that the record label told them to do it.

Sunday, 12:42 a.m., The Shore Club, 1901 Collins Ave.: Suge Knight is shot in the leg. Whatever.

1:38 a.m., crobar, 1445 Washington Ave.: Jason Geller, resident of Glencove, New York, and one year short of legal drinking age, is caught trying to sneak in a side door. When stopped, Geller exercises winning charm by throwing a full trash can at a bouncer. Like Cinderella, he loses his shoe in the process. When police arrive, Geller (in very un-Cinderella-like fashion) refuses to leave without it. He finally removes his other shoe and throws it at an officer. Geller is charged with resisting arrest and battery. The thrown shoe is impounded.

3:00 a.m., Nikki Beach, 1 Ocean Dr.: A patron splits his tab -- some on a debit card, some in cash -- and presents a forged Maryland driver's license with the name Julian Cecil Christian. When confronted by bar staff, "Christian" presents 71 counterfeit $100 bills and then runs. No arrest.

3:40 a.m., Angel Ultra Lounge, 247 23rd St.: Steve Alvarez, age 24, of Miami is charged with "robbery by sudden snatching" when he is discovered with a bottle of Grey Goose vodka (over)valued at $275. The giveaway: The silver pour nozzle is still in place.

12:16 p.m., Fifth Street and Jefferson Avenue: A concerned resident hails police when 23-year-old Winsen Timothe of Fort Lauderdale is observed dancing atop his car to music officers describe as "over 100 feet audible." Upon seeing the authorities, Winsen climbs down and drives away, but cops pull him over and pinch him for loud music. Winsen's friend, Kerry Charles, 22 years old, of Hollywood, is a little slow hiding a joint in the back seat. He's popped for possession of marijuana.

Monday, 5:05 a.m., Mansion, 1235 Washington Ave.: Ramar Clash, a 27-year-old Arlington, Virginia resident, refuses to move out of the way of a vehicle trying to exit the valet parking area of the club. He's nabbed for disorderly conduct and resisting arrest. During a telephone call to Clash later in the week, he says, "I was blocking a car?" and adds, "I don't think I can really discuss that."

As Bob Dylan once crooned: "It ain't me you're looking for." The cops didn't arrest me as they did Clash. In fact they didn't even take my name. No, within fifteen minutes of getting pulled over, we were staving off hangovers with empanadas at La Carreta, awaiting a reasonable hour to call our friends with an excellent tale of Miami.