Citizen Arcane

"The show was ridiculous," says Nazaretz as he prepares for a second sold-out concert at SOB's. "Dog, Kanye was there, Nas, Kelis, Matt Damon came in, fuckin' a whole bunch of models. Shit was dope." To distinguish himself from people who might mistake him for Diplo, Nazaretz identified himself Miami-style: He wore a T-shirt.

Nazaretz landed the gig through M.I.A.'s management team at Cornerstone; he has worked on various projects for the influential marketing and lifestyle company for the past several years. "It's all in the family," he says. After a handful of stateside shows, the M.I.A. tour heads to Europe and then back to America for another series of dates. (Nazaretz says there are tentative plans for an M.I.A. concert at Pawn Shop Lounge in Miami, but it hasn't been finalized.) He will move back here after the tour ends in late October.

Before landing a prime spot backing up the Sri Lankan goddess, Nazaretz had never toured with a major act. Does he get nervous performing in front of crowds? "It comes in phases, but really, when I get onstage, it's cool," he sighs.

Tori, you're a nice girl, but red beans and rice need to not miss you
Jonathan Postal
Tori, you're a nice girl, but red beans and rice need to not miss you
Ricky: No stranger to the weedball
Jonathan Postal
Ricky: No stranger to the weedball

"Hey, I'm not going to spend my whole life on this shit," continues the 24-year-old Nazaretz, who is well-known around town for his hilariously laconic attitude. "It's like, yo, fuck, I'm going to tour the world on somebody else's dime and get paid for it? There's no guessing that."

Herbs and Spices

The familiar flavor of clubland discord has a Mynt-y bite this week. It seems Nicola Siervo and Roberto Caan, owners of the rarefied-clientele-serving Miami Beach club Mynt Ultra Lounge, have decided to part company for an "undi$closed rea$on." Though he denies any pending litigation, Siervo says, "I can't tell you why I left. There are lawyers involved, and anything I say could compromise the outcome."

Caan, who had no comment for The Bitch, will remain at Mynt while his ex-partner ventures out and prepares for the opening of two new venues. The first is a restaurant on Lincoln Road called Quattro and the second a new nightclub yet to be named. The latter will apparently be poised to compete with Mynt, which is at Nineteenth Street and Collins, by opening on nearby 23rd Street. A third Mynt principal, Rony Seikaly, will be partnering with Siervo for those concepts.

Uh, It's Bootleg, Baby

South Florida is awash in entrepreneurs selling their illegal wares, but the new hotness seems to be bootleg DVDs. The problem with buying these things is you never know how well the wire thief in the theater recorded the film off the screen with a semiconcealed camcorder. But now this gray market offers its own brand of quality assurance. Freejackers carry around their laptops to bars, coffee shops, opium dens, and the like and show previews of their liberated digital wares. So now you don't have to wait one extra minute to own Fever Pitch!

Don't Drop Your Candles

An interview with Miami Beach Mayor David Dermer aired on no less a civil authority than "public" radio station WLRN-FM (91.3). Certainly all must be well by the shore.

In fact The Bitch was reminded why it's good to live on the mainland when she heard the following phone message on a Beach resident's answering machine: "This is an important message from the City of Miami Beach. Hello, this is George Gonzalez, the city manager of Miami Beach, with an important message. Hurricane season begins June 1 and runs through November 30. Miami Beach is prepared for this year and to help you get prepared is eliminating state taxes on all hurricane-related purchases made from June 1 through June 12. There will be two Hurricane Fairs to inform local residents of what they can do in the event of storms; the first will be held on Lincoln Road on June 5, the second on June 11."

Date of phone message: June 7. Imagine how late it might have been if the city weren't prepared.

The Funky Hairdo

Salon UKA has opened in a small studio just off NE Second Avenue at 43rd Street in the Design District, and judging by a small open house there this past Thursday, it's going to soon be attracting flocks of cool kids clutching photos of Interpol's Carlos D and Bpitch Records' Ellen Allien. Guests were treated to extremely strong rum-and-cranberry beverages and lots of snacks. Client and Marlin Bar promoter Samantha Stormo (on hand with neatly shorn beau Tomas from Aquabooty) displayed possibly the coolest haircut of all time, platinum blond with a tea-colored swath and touches of asymmetrical, but pretty, whimsy.

Is It Safe?

Jerald Fine's debut, The Predator's Return, is making waves on the independent film circuit. Since the short's completion in October 2004, it has won awards at more than twenty independent movie festivals around the nation. "I'm gearing up for submitting this to the really big festivals. I missed the deadlines for Tribeca and Sundance, but I will be submitting it to the Telluride festival in September," says Fine. Not bad for guy who hasn't quit his day job. "I've been a stockbroker for the past 27 years, but I started writing when I was in sixth grade. I did some writing in college, but then after that, for 30 years I stopped writing. I rediscovered writing about four years ago. I wrote a book of short stories, and then after that I hired actors and put together an audio book version of my short stories. Then I decided to turn it up another notch," explains Fine.

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