By Michael E. Miller
By Ryan Yousefi
By Kyle Munzenrieder
By Sabrina Rodriguez
By Michael E. Miller
By Carlos Suarez De Jesus
By Luther Campbell
By Kyle Munzenrieder
What it's about: Based on the TV series in which two lovable good ol' boys tool around Hazzard County in their bright orange Dodge Charger, finding trouble at every turn.
Why it'll be fabulous: Chandrasekhar reportedly keeps the proceedings as delightedly mindless as their boob-tube inspiration.
Why it'll be dreadful: Burt as the Duke boys' nemesis Boss Hogg could be the high point of this low-concept fare.
Directed by: Werner Herzog
What it's about: It's not another Dan Haggerty movie (whew!) but rather a documentary about animal activists who lived with grizzly bears for a time and felt like they were making a connection. Then they were mauled to death.
Why it'll be fabulous: Herzog is a mad genius.
Why it'll be dreadful: Unless you really despise animal activists, it sounds like one hell of a downer.
The Pink Panther
Starring: Steve Martin, Kevin Kline, Beyoncé Knowles, and Jean Reno
Directed by: Shawn Levy
Written by: Len Blum, Steve Martin, Michael Saltzman, and Glen Bloomberg
What it's about: A new take on Peter Sellers's surpassingly incompetent French detective, in which Jacques Clouseau (Martin) tackles a case combining a murdered soccer coach, a priceless diamond, and the usual selection of beautiful women.
Why it'll be fabulous: It takes les grandes balles for Martin to assail the rich life and high art of Inspector Clouseau.
Why it'll be dreadful: Can The Jerk out-bumble Peter the Great? The smart money says non.
Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
Starring: Rob Schneider and Eddie Griffin
Directed by: Mike Bigelow (a newcomer hired for his surname perhaps)
Written by: Rob Schneider and David Garrett & Jason Ward (Corky Romano)
What it's about: In this sequel to the comedy that introduced the term man-whore into the wider lexicon, Schneider's hapless Deuce is duped into prostituting himself in Amsterdam, where more-experienced hookers are being murdered.
Why it'll be fabulous: The first one was surprisingly amusing.
Why it'll be dreadful: Amusing films are a rarity in the Rob Schneider canon.
Everything Is Illuminated
Starring: Elijah Wood, Eugene Hutz, and Boris Leskin
Written and directed by: Liev Schreiber
What it's about: In his directorial debut, Schreiber adapts Jonathan Safran Foer's successful novel. Apparently this flick is a comedic drama about a young Jewish American (Wood) in search of the woman who saved his grandfather from the Nazis. The movie poster gives no indication of any of this; it shows Wood with a flower in his mouth and the tagline "Leave Normal Behind."
Why it'll be fabulous: Films in which Elijah Wood goes on a quest that leads him to a barren and hostile land tend to do rather well.
Why it'll be dreadful: Was there really a demand to see Liev Schreiber direct anything?
Starring: Ian McKellen, Natasha Richardson, Hugh Bonneville, and Marton Csokas
Directed by: David Mackenzie
Written by: Patrick Marber
What it's about: Stella Raphael (Richardson) is married to Max (Bonneville), a psychiatrist at an asylum for the criminally insane. She becomes infatuated with Edgar Stark (Csokas), a sculptor who mutilated and then murdered his wife -- so of course Stella and Edgar wind up having an affair after he starts working in the couple's asylum-grounds garden. Eventually Edgar escapes to London, Stella follows him, and the poor lad goes bonkers all over again.
Why it'll be fabulous: It's based on Patrick McGrath's best-selling novel, which is chilling, and was penned by Marber, whose Closer ranks a close second when it comes to curdling the blood.
Why it'll be dreadful: Bet you twenty quid it's a bummer -- with an English accent to boot.
Romance & Cigarettes
Starring: James Gandolfini, Susan Sarandon, Kate Winslet, Steve Buscemi, and Christopher Walken
Written and directed by: John Turturro
What it's about: Believe it or not, it's a musical. A "savage" one. The plot involves Gandolfini's character, who goes by the name of Murder, having to choose between his wife (Sarandon) and his mistress (Winslet).
Why it'll be fabulous: It's just insane enough to work.
Why it'll be dreadful: Love those actors, but can they sing?
The Transporter 2
Starring: Jason Statham, Amber Valletta, and Hunter Clary
Directed by: Louis Leterrier and Corey Yuen
Written by: Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen
What it's about: In truth, who knows? There's been little info provided on this sequel to the 2002 "hit." But let's offer a guess: Frank Martin (Statham) drives around in his sweet ride, picking up trouble wherever he goes. How's that. Oh, and this one is set in the United States. So, see, it's completely different from the original.
Why it'll be fabulous: Because we always loved those BMW "The Driver" minifilms upon which this burgeoning franchise was clearly based.
Why it'll be dreadful: The first Transporter was released direct to Betamax.
Starring: Agnes Bruckner, Patricia Clarkson, Bruce Campbell, and Lauren Birkell
Directed by: Lucky McKee
Written by: David Ross
What it's about: A troubled girl (Bruckner) is sent to boarding school after pushing her parents too far. But the school, located deep in the middle of the woods of New England, is not what it appears to be, and there are dark forces at work with more than a passing interest in the newcomer. Or are they all in her head?