The Bitch

Tiffany > Timoney

It is no secret The Bitch is obsessed with the UPN reality series America's Next Top Model. This fascination is based largely on the show's begetting the very best line ever uttered on television -- "That ho poured a beer on my weave!" -- and the fact this exclamation came from a resident of Miami named Tiffany Richardson.

On Episode One of Cycle Three, the runway hopeful got into a bar fight that sent hair and hops flying, and subsequently was sent packing. The Bitch was excited and confident there'd by more such thrills when the lanky tattooed beauty was invited to return this season, and Tiffany didn't disappoint. The 22-year-old single mother frequently clashed with her corn-fed, milquetoast cast members and was often criticized by the show's judges, but she also seemed to be the most down-to-earth of the bunch, quoting from SpongeBob SquarePants and chowing on Popeye's spicy wings. But at the end of last week's episode, Tyra Banks came down hard on Tiffany, rebuking her for a "defeatist" attitude and drinking too much Chardonnay. Don't give up, Tiffany -- Miami still loves you.

Tiffany graciously agreed to visit with The Bitch; here's some of the conversation:

The Bitch: Did you watch the episode in which you got the boot? What were your thoughts?

Tiffany: I was touched by Tyra, and I was a little upset with myself. When I saw me saying, "Oh, I'm humiliated every week," I meant that every week I do something humiliating to myself. Like me getting drunk and puking everywhere, or me dancing wild ... that's what I meant. But it didn't come out that way.

Is Janice the scariest judge?

She is the worst, scariest, most unlikable ... aarrgghh. She is just the worst.

Have you ever had a personal experience with Janice? Like have you sat and talked with her?

I would not want to talk to Janice [makes a noise of disgust]. They don't show everything she says about us.

She's had a rough life as well; you should check out her book.

I saw it! She's evil! I saw a documentary about her. Evil!

[Tiffany is referring to possibly the most entertaining E! True Hollywood Story of all time, Dickinson's.]

Are you still friends with any of the girls from the show?

I'm still friends with them, but I haven't been speaking with them that much. Brandy, everybody knows I love Brandy. Lluvy's great. Michelle, she's cool too. And Rebecca, I love Rebecca. On the show it looks like we really didn't get along, but since we left together, we had a lot of time to talk.

That was kind of crazy that you got kicked off at the same time.

And you know what's crazier? The day before, Rebecca told me: "Tiffany, I had a dream that you and me were the last two standing." And I was like, for real? Boy was she wrong! We were the last two standing, but not for the reason she thought. Rebecca took me with her! And I took her with me.

Are people in Miami giving you a hard time?

Yeah! Everybody is like "Tiffany, I'm mad at you because you were supposed to win! I woulda did this...." You woulda did nothing. You weren't there. You don't know what it's like. It looks so easy. When I watched the second season, I was like, oh, I could do that. Them girls crazy. But it was tough.

Are you going to New York next?

Tyra says that there's so much going on in Miami, on South Beach, I could stay here for now. So for right now, I'm here in Miami, 'cause I love Miami.

Which part of town are you from?

I'm from Opa-locka.

You're going to stay in Opa-locka?!?!

Oh, no! No, no, no. I plan to move, but not right away. I'm not trying to make any big sudden moves, 'cause the people in Opa-locka, they love me. Carol City, 'round that area, they love me. It's all love.

BROCCOLI BLAST

"Why do broccoli, bonsai trees, and solar prominences look alike?" That's what Bitch Astronomy Team member John Stetsonwanted to know after he watched the moon glide in front of the sun and take a bite out of our star April 9. During the solar eclipse earlier this month, sky watchers saw crescent sunsets, rings of fire, and other strange signs of the Apocalpyse, which The Bitch swears is coming soon. See for yourself: Browse the image gallery at Spaceweather.com, which includes photos from the eclipse's path of totality in the remote South Pacific.

PLAGUE DOG

The just-add-water eruption of the St. Mary's Art Districtalong NW 71st Street and NW Second Court in Little Haiti comes with just enough authentic scuzziness and grime to repel, at least for the time being, any pretensions to automatic upscaleness and obnoxious trendoid overload. In fact Saturday's three-installation opening of Damian Rojo's Bag of Teeth and the Faktura and White Vinyl spaces had moments gross and freaky enough to leave even The Bitch with just a Beavis-like "uuhhhhhhh" hanging in the air.

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