By Michael E. Miller
By Ryan Yousefi
By Kyle Munzenrieder
By Sabrina Rodriguez
By Michael E. Miller
By Carlos Suarez De Jesus
By Luther Campbell
By Kyle Munzenrieder
No such luck this time. Ultra Music Festival, which is supposed to feature top electronic acts, has devolved into an ugly rave sideshow replete with washed-up B-talents such as Paul Oakenfold, Perry "Peretz" Ferrell, and Kelly Osbourne; throngs of marauding hicks; and stall after stall of vendors hawking tacky trinkets and more varieties of fried meat than the World Hamburger Expo. To add to the suckage, the so-called post-party called Ultra Carry On at American Airlines Arena was a poorly organized fiasco. Hardly anything went right this past Saturday night, and nothing went well. So what happened?
For one thing, nearly every DJ on every stage and in every tent had a train-wrecked set. A different sound crew than in years past was handling much of the audio technology, and the unfamiliarity with Bayfront Park's acoustics was fatal. Sound bled corrosively from place to place (as did the greasy haze from a zillion deep fryers and griddles). Of course there were exceptions -- Josh Wink, PVD, and Donald Glaude overcame heat, reverb, and an unusually low-energy audience to crank out great sessions. But stalwarts Oakenfold, Lil' Louie Vega, and even Tiësto brought the same tired tracks everyone's heard endlessly. And maybe Eminem is right with his constant jabs at nemesis Moby -- nobody listens to techno, and certainly not to a truckload of acoustic instruments, not at Ultra anyway.
Over the years Ultra's reputation has spread. It's a place to take Ecstasy and mushrooms, dance, and basically go nuts for a few hours in a relatively safe environment. The new breed of Ultra attendee includes the original Europe-y ravers but also a lower common denominator, the kind of people who probably chained their dogs to the tree before packing the family -- including the eight-months-pregnant baby mama and gramma in her wheelchair -- into the Kia and heading downtown, only to take up a huge amount of dance-area space drunkenly doing lasso tricks with glowsticks-on-a-rope. The spring break-enhanced presence of squads of inebriated fraternity boys didn't help the thug quotient either. The most widely sported T-shirt was a white-on-black model declaring: "Fuck You You Fuckin' Fuck." Not your traditional smiley-face rave sentiment. So the vibe, once so infectiously happy, was infected instead with an undertone of predation and violence.
Drug use was as prevalent as ever, but in contrast to Ultra 6, during which more than 100 people were busted for possession, the cops didn't seem to give a ... darn this time around. Miami Police Department spokesman Lt. Bill Schwartz said there were only sixteen arrests during the entire noon-to-midnight festival, fifteen of them narcotics-related and one for disorderly conduct. That's as many people who get arrested in downtown Miami on any regular day. Some partiers would probably have been better off with an intervention, Man-generated or otherwise. At 4:30 a.m. Sunday, more than four hours after Ultra ended, there were still nearly 50 people in the park in various states of OD, some completely unconscious. One man, a 26-year-old electrical engineer from Davie, said he'd taken more than a dozen hits of LSD and lost his cell phone, his glasses, and the rest of his stash.
He wasn't alone in leaving stuff behind. The park, one of Miami's loveliest public assets, was trashed beyond recognition, a foot deep in discarded electronics, vomit, hats, food, bottles, flyers (and let's not forget fried meat) -- much worse than last year, when the presence of booths staffed by social watchdogs such as PETA, NORML, and Greenpeace reminded at least some to put refuse in the trash receptacles. Speaking of all that biohazardous waste, come on now, people, how could you possibly go barefoot at Ultra?!?! Puh-leez.
Those hoping to escape the clinging grease at Ultra for the air-conditioned after-party at American Airlines Arena met with disappointment. Mike Walker, executive vice president of AAA's Heat Group Enterprises, explains the situation like this: "The promoters [Ultra's Alex Omes and Russell Faibisch] did not plan for the resulting amount of will-call and guest-list numbers for the event, hence the AAA was not made aware of the situation resulting in the initial backup of guests attempting to secure tickets from either their Internet order or name on a guest list.... AAA did not manage or handle the overall ticket ordering and sales process for this event nor were we notified of any guest-list will-calls until shortly before the event was to begin. Had we been better informed by the promoter as to the ticketing procedures setup, the initial delays at the box office could have been more efficiently managed. As it was, all the people attempting to pick up or buy a ticket were handled within the first two hours of the event start time."