Beach Blanket Fandango

The year is 3005. A history professor is lecturing telepathically to his class about ancient history (imagine the words to be pulses from brain-to-brains): "Believe it or not, as late as 2005, in what was the United States, in what was North America, the rulers actually made national policy against what they called ögay marriage' -- what we now know as ötkow bikbik zee' -- to prevent male-male and female-female couples from being treated the same as male-female joiners. This was, naturally, precivilization."

Spin it right round, baby

Details

There's plenty more going on through Monday, March 7. Call 305-571-1924, or visit www.winterparty.com for a complete list of events, prices, and venues.

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More About

• Romero Britto
• Julian Chang
• Miami Beach
• Winter Party
• Red Carter Swimwear

For now, homosexual people must still be designated -- designate themselves, at least for defensive purposes. They must also raise money, which the Winter Party does in a big way. It's a series of art-driven parties and events using numerous venues. "Art Across the Bay" includes a preview of paintings by Romero Britto and Noel on Thursday at 7:00 p.m. (Britto Central, 818 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach); the distaff-oriented "Cherry Pie" is set for House (2041 Biscayne Blvd., Miami) on Friday at 10:00 p.m.; and designers Red Carter and Julian Chang will break out their spring lines for a runway show at 7:00 p.m. Friday (Euclid Circle on Lincoln Road, Miami Beach).

Along with pool parties, cocktail receptions, and enough DJs for a small, dancing nation, there's an exhibit that should spark awe, chatter, and other stuff. "The Pictures We Never Hang" features photographs (which will, indeed, hang) of "the male art form" by thirteen international picture makers. This one will take place at Dot Fifty-One Gallery (51 NW 36th St., Miami) and comes with a bonus: Those who register for "Casting Call" at this exhibition will have a chance to win a session with one of the participating photographers.