Love Letter to Alexander Payne

Dear Alexander Payne: How do I love thee? Let me count the ways:

1) You made Election and About Schmidt, two hilarious, probing comedies about suburban anomie and human angst.

2) You followed these with Sideways, transporting the same deep humor into a totally different milieu and combining a loser-buddy pic with an homage to the central California coast.

3) You cast Paul Giamatti.

4) You cast Virginia Madsen.

5) You turned down George Clooney -- who wanted the part of has-been actor Jack -- because nobody would believe he was a has-been.

6) Instead of Clooney, you went with Thomas Haden Church, an actual has-been, who aced the role.

7) You refused, in short, to sell out.

8) Even though your money was coming from a studio.

9) You knew how to maintain control, including in the casting.

10) And you trusted that your vision was superior.

11) Finally, you stayed intimate, resisting the temptation to make a grand, Hollywood-style epic with Big Themes.

12) Unlike some directors I could mention, but won't.

13) Okay, it's Jean-Pierre Jeunet, whose films are getting successively worse.

14) What is A Very Long Engagement? It is an overhyped, overly sentimental rehearsal of a thousand films we've seen before.

15) But enough about him.

16) Thanks, Mr. Payne. I love you.