X Marks the Crosswalk

Phil Benitez, manager of Skin Therapie, says Patrick Ziad Abuzeni "seemed like a hell of a guy" when he first started performing quasi-medical cosmetic procedures such as Botox treatments and laser hair removals at the spa. "He definitely talked the talk ... and he lives in, like, a million-dollar apartment," says Benitez.

Eventually, however, it became clear that the good doctor wasn't handing over the agreed-upon share of his profits. "He made more than $25,000 in one year, and after the year was up he gave us a check for $1200," says Benitez. "He owes us like $10,000."

After realizing that something was amiss, Benitez did some checking and found that Abuzeni lost his California medical license in 2002 for butchering a patient's breasts and falsifying records. According to a press release issued by the Medical Board of California: "Abuzeni twice participated in performing a breast augmentation procedure that is an extreme departure from the standard of care." The result, according to the press release: "Harm done to the patient included one breast being smaller than the other; and blistering, discoloration, necrosis, and extensive scarringof the patient's thighs resulting from Abuzeni's negligently performed thigh lift and his inadequate post-operative care and monitoring of the patient."

Benitez and Abuzeni have severed their business agreement; the doctor did not return calls for comment.

In Goth We Trust

Paul the Goth Guy has an uncanny knack with eyeliner; Sephora needs to ditch that edible Jessica Simpson junk and give this ponytailed man with perfect raccoon rims some counter space. Unfazed by the 90-degrees-at-night clove-saturated air under the overpass at Soho Lounge in the Design District, Paul was in full Blade Runner-meets-Highlander outfit for the Kitchen Club's sixteenth-anniversary party this past Saturday.

As Paul held the door for the folks from the Abusement Park -- laden with all types of S&M gear -- he recalled goth's less lively days at Fire and Ice and earlier iterations of the Kitchen Club and reflected on the subculture's extreme lack of menace.

"If you go to a club on South Beach, you're going to see about five police cruisers per club, because all the males are there to get pumped up, drunk and fight ... it's like 'Dude, you looked at my woman, I'm gonna kill you,'" Paul observed, whereas the Peter Murphy army "just wants to dance, visit, and maybe have a few drinks."

The Right Place to Begin a Life of Crime

The first day of work at New Times is often a form-intensive one. But the paperwork on new retail advertising sales rep Ryan Pinagelwas filled out by the Miami Lakes police. Pinagel was apprehended for attempting to sell ads at Main Street Shops on Bull Run Road. The shopping center displays green signs around the premises with long lists of things that will get you in trouble, including, of course, skateboarding. But apparently the prohibition of soliciting should be taken most seriously. Pinagel didn't. After offering this publication's services to a few shopkeepers, he met his fate. An officer who had no real crimes or misdemeanors to deal with propped Pinagel in the back seat of his patrol car for nearly two hours while running his profile.

The Bitch's ears prick up at word of such overreaction. For one thing, who does that cop answer to? The fledgling town of Miami Lakes still contracts its coppy services from the Miami-Dade County Police Department. Are shop owners at Main Street really inundated by rampaging ad reps? Workers at Miaand Victoria's Secretwouldn't talk to The Bitch, but Gary Snow of Snow's Jewelers said dialing 911 wasn't an option when confronted by an advertising rate card. "Why would I do that?" he asked.

Erratum

An item in The Bitch ("Felony Charges Take a Powder," July 14) misstated the location of a Wendy's restaurant parking lot where Miami police Ofcr. Pablo Camachoobserved Armando Perez-Roura, Jr., conduct "a narcotics transaction" before arresting him with 35 baggies of powder and crack cocaine. The police report correctly states the Wendy's is at 755 NW 37th Ave. (notNW 32nd Avenue). The Bitch regrets the error and commends vigilant reader and fast-food connoisseur Joe Lopezfor pointing it out to her.

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