BY JUAN CARLOS RODRIGUEZ In the ongoing hearings of the commission investigating the September 11 terrorist attacks, one government expert, asked about ways in which to improve sentiment toward Americans in the Middle East, suggested the following: finding avenues for Arabic society to express negative feelings without resorting to violence. In other words, getting masses of young men and women, whose brothers and sisters and fathers and mothers have been killed by American bombs, to channel their harsh feelings without strapping on a bomb belt or blowing up a Fiat in the middle of rush-hour traffic. The expert wound up his testimony by saying he didn't know what this important alternative nonviolent expression would be.
Let us suggest the perfect solution: Mimes.
That's right. Send armies of white-faced, red-lipped, flower-bearing mimes to train the Arabic passionate minions on how to work out their anger without blowing themselves or others to pieces. After all, mimes have been hurting for work since their pop-culture heyday. No longer do you see Shields & Yarnell on prime-time television. Marcel Marceau, the cakey-faced father of modern mime, is a vague memory. (He's not dead, folks.) In this age of nipple-baring, booty-centric audacity, the silent performance artists could use a good gig.
A look at the roots of mime might convince Pentagon bureaucrats of the impact they could have on culture. From the art form's early years during commedia dell'arte, mimes have always been effective in expressing subversive thought and speaking the unspoken truth.
For a more detailed history of mimes, listen to Jude Parry of the Gold Coast Theatre Company when she lectures about the much-maligned art form. Parry will be using words as well as physical expression to demonstrate the power of silence.
Parry appears at 3:00 p.m. at the Bass Museum of Art, 2121 Park Ave, Miami Beach. Admission is $10. Call 305-673-7530. Sonic Boomdawgs
WHAT YOU SAY? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SPEAK UP, DUDE! WHAT'S THAT? MY EARS ARE BLEEDING? NO SHIT! HANG ON! I GOTTA TURN UP MY CAR STEREO! KICKS ASS, DON'TCHA THINK! "CULO!" YOU FEEL THE BASS IN YOUR CHEST? SEE HOW THE VIBRATIONS MAKE YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S CELLULITE JIGGLE? AIN'T THAT COOL? IF YOU LOVE IT LOUD, YOU GOTTA CHECK OUT THE KRANK IT UP CAR SHOW! IT'S TOTALLY BITCHIN! SURE, THERE'S GONNA BE LOWRIDERS AND BAD-ASS JACKED-UP IMPALAS! BUT THE BADDEST PART IS THE CAR STEREO CONTEST! THAT'S RIGHT! THEY'LL BE MEASURING THE SOUND OUTPUT LEVELS OF EACH CAR TO SEE WHO HAS THE LOUDEST MOTHER OF A CAR STEREO. THE ALL-TIME KRANK IT UP RECORD IS THE 184-DECIBEL READING AT LAST YEAR'S CONTEST. IT WAS KILLER! THE SPEAKERS FUCKING EXPLODED! SHIT, IT'S AN ALL-OUT PARTY, DUDE. The big noise starts at noon at Performance, 5690 NW 167th St. Admission is free. Call 305-333-1112. -- Juan Carlos Rodriguez Song of Brazil
Softly she croons, strumming her acoustic guitar, blond hair swaying from side to side. Mariana Martin (below), who goes simply by Mariana, keeps the bossa nova flame lit every Tuesday night upstairs at the Van Dyke Cafe. The onetime member of the jazz band known as Brazilian Secrets has been released from covert duty and is making very public appearances around town lately. Keeping the work of her countrymen such as Joáo Gilberto, Antonio Carlos Jobim, and Djavan resounding subtly in our ears, the half-American, half-Brazilian native of Rio de Janeiro can also occasionally be heard singing in English and Portuguese at Bouquet, the quaint wine/chocolate/flowers shop located in 55th Street Station. But where better to groove to the sultry sounds of Brazil than outdoors on a balmy Miami night? This past spring on the last Saturdays of the month, Mariana began holding court in the courtyard at 55th Street Station at dusk, joined by Mike Orta on piano and Don Wilner on bass. Listen for stellar renditions of "Waters of March" and "Flor de Lis." Admission is free. -- Nina Korman Expo offers scaly fun
BY Nina korman Lesson 1 when it comes to snake bites: As much as you're tempted, don't try to suck the venom out of your wound. You could end up with a paralyzed face and dosed up with 30 shots of anti-venin, just like the southwest Miami-Dade man who recently got bitten by a deadly Eastern diamondback rattlesnake while attempting to save his daughters from the reptile's wrath. The poor devil would have learned that useful tip and picked up more info on reptiles and amphibians if he had attended last year's installment of Repticon. At the fabulous convention devoted to all things slithery, you can buy animals or products to take care of them, play reptile-related games, and enjoy entertainment (alligator wrestling?). Children get in on the action with activities of their own. The fun runs from 10:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. today and tomorrow at the Coconut Grove Convention Center, 2700 S. Bayshore Dr. Admission is $7; kids ages 5 to 12 pay $4. Call 863-419-4868.