Sexless Beast

NOW 24/7

P. Diddy, O.J., Lenny Kravitz, Iggy Pop, Ben Affleck, Michael Jackson: You never can be sure what celeb-hunk-or-junk sighting you're in for in South Florida. But if you're a famous single male wintering here, you're almost sure to get laid. Not so for one Sunshine State winter guest, an indisputable specimen of sterling credentials and unquestionable pedigree. A papi chulo who can't get it on because his handlers believe it just might do him in. We're speaking of Funny Cide, the 3-year-old gelding and winner of this year's Kentucky Derby and the Preakness Stakes. The thoroughbred, vacationing from New York, is here until about mid-April. After a week and a half kickin' it at Gulfstream Park (901 S. Federal Hwy., Hallandale), the horse moved earlier this week to the Palm Meadows Thoroughbred Training Center in Boynton Beach, where he's hangin' with more than 300 other high-end hoofers. But absolutely no sex. None. Past competitors allowed to mate have seen their performance flag. "They never come back the way they left," says Gulfstream spokesman Joe Tanenbaum. Funny Cide, after all, will have to focus. He's targeted to make a February 7 bid for the $500,000 Donn Handicap in Hallandale and may also run in two other races: the April 2 Gulfstream Park Handicap and the January 3 Hal's Hope Handicap. -- By Victor Cruz

Paddle Up

Kayakers battle disease

SAT 12/6

Pounding the surface of water with a plastic oar while propelling yourself through Biscayne Bay at high speeds can be a rush. Kayakers experience the highs of rowing (and developing bulging biceps) for a good cause in the Miami Kayak Challenge 2003, a friendly race benefiting the Miami Chapter of the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. Now in its sixth year, the event has grown along with the popularity of the sport. Participants get bags full of goodies, a T-shirt, breakfast, lunch, and good karma. Signups start at 7:30 a.m. at Island View Park on Purdy Avenue and Venetian Causeway. Registration costs $40. Call 786-785-8000. -- By Juan Carlos Rodriguez