BEST GUN SHOP

Are you ready for the End Times? They're coming. People ascribe different causes to the approaching apocalypse, but everyone knows it's nearly upon us. Whether the bottom drops out of the economy, terrorists turn our streets into Beirut, or God checks out Married by America and decides it's high time for the final reckoning, the few poor souls left to roam our city's blasted-out streets will stay alive only by dint of their preparedness. Miami Police Supply has all the gear you'll need for urban warfare and survival: camouflage and SWAT uniforms, emergency lights and sirens, bulletproof vests ($359 for a Triflex Level IIA), and brand-new .40-caliber Sig Sauer handguns (around $700, chicken feed for a gun described by a Miami Police Supply salesman as "the Mercedes of handguns"). The eager and knowledgeable black-clad pistoleros who staff Miami Police Supply will also be happy to show you their supply of cheaper weaponry, like the infamous Intratec 9mm, known as the cheap gun of choice for crack warriors in the Nineties and one of the weapons used in the Columbine school massacre.