THUR 4/3Too many worries about the war have your forehead in a constant furrow. The perpetual pout deepens your frown lines by the second. Worst of all, your utter disbelief in everything that is happening in Iraq has given you a permanent Donald Rumsfeld-style squint. Hello, crow's feet!Yes, war is hell -- especially on your complexion. That's where the baron of Botox, the king of collagen comes in. When the United Nations Security Council or the joint chiefs of staff aren't enough to smooth things over, Dr. Fredric Brandt and his numerous needles can be of aid. The famed cosmetic dermatologist, who practices in Miami and New York City, was one of the first to shoot people up with Botox to erase their wrinkles. (Yes, that would be a diluted form of botulism toxin -- the same bacteria that can give you a whopping case of food poisoning!) A little Botox injected into the back of your neck and the corners of your mouth magically perk up. A bit in the brow and you're as wide-eyed as a Precious Moments figurine. Of course, your sleek skin means your muscles are temporarily paralyzed, rendering you an expressionless blob. But who cares? You'll look years younger, almost like a celebrity. (Of course, Brandt counts a roster of celebrity clients, whose names he won't divulge.)This Thursday at 8:00 p.m., Brandt will appear at Books & Books (265 Aragon Ave.), right down the street from his office in Coral Gables, where he'll hawk his new book Age-less: The Definitive Guide to Botox, Collagen, Lasers, Peels, and Other Solutions for Flawless Skin. Sure the title's a mouthful, but if saying it too many times has ill effects on your skin, don't worry (that causes lines, remember?): Dr. Brandt has just the acid peel, nonburning laser, or collagen/Botox injection for you. -- NINA KORMAN
I Want My A-TV!
ABC's Charlie Gibson was emphatic: Al-Jazeera's broadcasts of dead American soldiers and POWs, he said, are sickening and immoral. Meanwhile an embedded Ted Koppel gave Gibby a journalism lesson from Iraq. Gruesome images convey the horrors of war, said a grainy Koppel. While Monday Night Football-style coverage may soothe warmongers, others opt for an alternative -- al-Jazeera, which recently reported millions of new subscribers outside Arab countries. Part of several Arabic packages offered by satellite services, the network is available in the U.S. Remember, war is ugly. So is Koppel's comb-over. -- Juan Carlos Rodriguez
Fierce, Fabulous Living
Every day untold multitudes of leather daddies, lang-thangs, and sweater queens shack up. Though the unions are not recognized by the government, they are a prime focus for entrepreneurs, from travel agents to furniture dealers, who acknowledge the gay and lesbian community as a loyal and prosperous market. Organizers of this weekend's Gay Life Expo say that outside San Francisco there are more GLBT households in Southern Florida than anywhere else in the nation. It's time to keep up with the Joneses. The fair opens at 10:00 a.m. Saturday and Sunday at the Miami Beach Convention Center. Tickets are ten dollars. Call 305-673-3000. -- Juan Carlos Rodriguez
Ice Age Cometh
Miami Beach has never lacked water. Ice is another story. Until now. This Saturday a chill descends upon the sand at least for an evening during the Big Brothers Big Sisters Water & Ice fundraiser. Guests get a sumptuous dinner and dancing under the moonlight. Funnyman Dave Barry and football bigwig Lynn Swann provide entertainment as host and auctioneer respectively. The star of the night, however, will be an ice skating presentation, brainchild of party czar Barton G, who'll erect a full-size rink in an air-conditioned pavilion. Now that's cool. Tickets cost $500. Call 305-644-0066. -- Nina Korman