Babies Kick Butt

SAT 4/5

Slobbering, roly-poly fatsos. Shrieking cherubs in poopy Pampers. Babies are every parent's bundle of joy. They are also heaven-sent gold mines for manufacturers of infant wear, rattles, pacifiers, and child-safety equipment. In fact analysts predict Americans will spend about $29 billion on baby purchases this year. New mommies and daddies can shop for state-of-the-art baby gizmos when the American Baby Faire takes over the Miami Beach Convention Center on Saturday and Sunday. Local breeders can ogle the latest car-seat technologies, breast-feeding relief pads, and baby sunglasses (de rigueur for SoFla's newest style mavens) at the nation's largest traveling baby expo. While crowds may drool over the 100-plus exhibits, including lectures on water births and epidural alternatives, it's the fair's Baby Derby that will win all the attention. More than 500 bambini are expected to compete to be named fastest crawler in Miami. Mommies will battle it out in a stroller obstacle course. Grannies will also spar for guilt-tripping rights in the Best Grandparents challenge. Unfortunately the Michael Jackson Baby Dangling Contest had to be canceled, but it gives parents a chance to brush up on their over-the-rail suspension skills. Adult admission is eight dollars. Children and grandparents, free. Call 1-877-959-BABY. -- Juan Carlos Rodriguez

Adolescent Auteurs
Kids chase fame behind the camera

TUES 4/15

On a dime your twelve-year-old can name Martin Scorsese's oeuvre from Mean Streets to Gangs of New York. Still he protests that he's a normal child. You know better. As long as he's been able to hold a camera, he's been taping your family's every move, making life feel like a perpetual reality show. The Miami Children's Museum Film Festival offers Junior a creative outlet for his incessant camerawork. Until April 15, it's soliciting original film or video up to fifteen minutes made by kids under age eighteen. Industry insiders will screen the works, doling out cash prizes and the all-important hype. See www.miamichildrensmuseum.org for details. -- Nina Korman