By Kat Bein
By Shea Serrano
By S. Pajot
By Terrence McCoy
By Falyn Freyman
By Shea Serrano
By Jacob Katel
By Michael E. Miller
RUN: What are you talking about, Russell?
RUSSELL: The Monkees.
RUN: OK. This is what I told Russell this morning. I came in his room at six o'clock screamin' at him. He woke up, but he enjoys it because he's as crazy as me. Probably crazier. Run-D.M.C., I am not sure of this, but whatever we've done has been a great thing for everybody concerned. I believe that. We came out there, we opened the show with "Walk This Way," we closed with "Walk This Way," in the middle we did "King of Rock" with Kid Rock. Major fun show. And I just felt like, "OK, this is great," but that's not the reason I don't wanna do this anymore. Russell's making me tell you that we came out, critics would love it, and they would love it in a major way. But I felt like the Monkees, the O'Jays even.
RUSSELL: You don't wanna be the Delfonics, goddamnit, with a fake member singing the bass parts.
RUN: Exactly. The bottom line is I wanna work with my brother and serve God. Russell said our whole life will be doing God's work, and I believe my brother.
Russell drinks his green shake, which consists of puréed broccoli, parsley, and spinach. He chugs it in a single gulp.
RUN: Gotta get it over with. Jesus. Spoonful of sugar make the medicine go down. He don't even need the sugar. That's how great he is.
RUSSELL: You shit out cancer drinking that.
RUN: You do. Russell says I'm a fat piece of loser. I'm on my way to winning. He said I looked good the other night. I was very proud.
Note: This should go on for 45 more minutes, more or less. An assistant will arrive to show Russell how to use his new cell phone, which plays Def Jam songs. Russell should expound, at length, on the state of black leadership in America and how Louis Farrakhan is the only real leader around, but he has "too much baggage." Anyway, you get the idea -- once the actors get into their roles, the improv should flow. Play should end with brothers getting into rented Suburban, which will take them to mall and, later, a private party, which is what Russell Simmons's life is anyway.