By John Thomason
By Benjy Caplan
By Artburst Miami
By Carlos Suarez De Jesus
By Daniel Reskin
She'll only shop at Wild Oats and won't wear leather. Even her toilet paper is made of organic material. What to get the girl who cries when she sees a tangelo because she thinks it's an unnatural cross breeding of earthly goods? How about Kalani Organic Coffee, a perky, all-natural pick- me-up that's proven to be just that by the Ralph Nader of websites that investigates all the claims of responsibly made merchandise? If she's against caffeine, the website's got a host of all-natural, unfettered products from soap to nuts.
Coffee, $11, www.ethicalshopper.com
Even if your guy's closest thing to the Tour de France took place in Epcot, humor him and convince him that Lance has nothing on him by adorning his wrist with the Limited-Edition Lance Armstrong Compass Watch, just like the one Lance used as he pedaled his way to cycling history. Despite the fact that your Lance wannabe thinks that cycling ten times around the block is worthy of a medal, let him think he's charting his own course to victory with this watch that comes complete with digital compass (should he get lost in the neighborhood), altitude meter (because South Florida is so full of hills and mountains), weather mode (now that's handy!), temperature sensor, data recall, ski run chronograph, seven alarms (time to pick up the Pollo Tropical!), calendar information (your birthday, anniversary, menstrual cycle), and two time zones, because God knows he's always zoning out. Better yet, should he work up a sweat on his bike, the watch is water-resistant and, if he's late for your dinner date once again, it's also scratch resistant.
$235, Nordstrom, Town Center Mall,
5820 Glades Rd., Boca Raton, 561-620-5555;
Last year's scooter is just taking up space in the living room and the rollerblades? Those are now being used as flower vases. There's nothing wrong with improvisational multi-functioning, which is why the roller sneakers were invented. If you feel like walking or sprinting, you can. If you feel like rolling, just pop out the retractable wheel located in each heel and make like Olivia Newton John in Xanadu as passers by muse at your nifty footwear. When you tire of them, attach them to the legs on your coffee table.
Who can forget the stir caused by a preggers Demi Moore when she posed half-naked for the cover of Vanity Fair? While some folks found it more offensive than Roseanne's nudie spread in Playboy, many people rallied to Moore's swollen side, harping on the beauty of naked pregnant women. If you know someone who's expecting, consider capturing the abdominal anticipation with a special maternity photo session. Heck, it's practically the only time in a woman's life when it's okay to be fat and bloated, so why not?
$45 for a session, Cabrera Photography,
12371 S Dixie Hwy., Miami, 305-255-9922
You're not a shrink, so you can't prescribe her a lifetime supply of mood-altering drugs, but the next best thing to soothe the postpartum stress is the Forty Weeks Special Momease Essential Comfort Kit in which pampering holds an entirely different, mess-free meaning. Designed in consultation with an OB/GYN, this kit contains a refreshing Wake Up Call shower gel with rosemary mint, eucalyptus and grapefruit, hand lotion with lemongrass, sage, Vitamins A and E, all-over body reconditioning oil with marigold and chamomile (she just popped out a human being, after all), Reflections for a New Mother journal (in which her private thoughts, including "Remind me again, “Why did I forget to take my birth control pills?'" remain just that), and, finally, Lullabies for a New Mother CD--calming piano music that was composed to help her block out the impending sounds of Barney the Dinosaur. All of the above come in a lovely zippered pouch, which can be taken with her when she leaves you with the baby and escapes for a weekend at her mother's house where she can be the baby just one last time.
$52, Nordstrom, 5820 Glades Rd.,
Boca Raton, 561-620-5555;
To this person, suffering from insomnia is as likely as catching the West Nile Virus. One percent, if that. No matter where she is, whether it's in the middle of Penn Station at rush hour or in her apartment where her neighbors are blasting Ramenstein, she sleeps like a baby. How does she do it, you wonder, as you look at the clock and it reads 4:30 a.m.? Don't lose any more sleep trying to figure it out. Just get yourself some Tylenol P.M. and forget about it. As for the perfect gift for this sleeping beauty, well, any one of three satin eyeshades will do, we suppose. There's Dream, Bombshell and Princess. Too bad there's not one for you that reads Zombie.
$24, Nordstrom, 5820 Glades Rd.,
Boca Raton, 561-620-5555;
Wannabe Rock Star
Her chances of getting a record deal are slim shady to none, but despite the grim reality, this person wouldn't think twice about trying out for Star Search or whatever reality show out there that claims to hook the winner up with the godfather of Britney and Backstreet, Lou Pearlman. Talented or not, humor the songstress with the Singing Machine, a tidy, portable karaoke machine that plays 80 pop, rock and R&B CDs while displaying the song lyrics on a seven inch video screen that's so foolproof even a wacked-out Whitney Houston can't mess up the words to "Greatest Love of All."
$199, Toys R Us,
551 NE 167th St., North Miami Beach, 305-653-8697;
19525 S Dixie Hwy., 305-233-6122 or