Donít Get Holidazed!

Holiday Gift Guide 2001

Arty Athlete
For most serious athletes, Just For Feet is as close to a museum as they get. For those with an eye toward more than just touchdowns, baskets and goals, Nike has come up with the ultimate spike cross trainer hybrid whose design was inspired not by the physique of Venus and Serena Williams, but, rather Frank Gehry's Guggenheim and Calatrava's bridge in Bilbao, Spain. The graceful curves of the new Air Max Specter is worthy of a place in a museum, really. But the sneaker's most impressive masterpiece is the high-performance mid-sole construction--a stiff plate likened to the chassis of a race car. Take that, Air Jordan.
$125, www.nike.com

Lost Soul
Everyone knows one. They're in your life one day and out the next. No, not a one-night stand, but those people who just pick up and leave without telling anyone where, when and why they're going. Sometimes these people owe you money. Sometimes they owe you child support. Whatever they owe you, they feel they don't owe you an explanation every time they feel like skipping town for a Star Trek convention in Peoria. What to do? Short of installing a human LoJack system on them, the Wherify Personal Location System is a watch that's wired with a Global Positioning System receiver, an alphanumeric pager and a digital telephone transceiver designed to track anyone, anywhere. All you do is call the location center or check out www.wherify.com to find out where that s.o.b. disappeared to.
$300, www.wherify.com

Ring Leader
You know who you are. You're the one who always forgets to turn off your cell phone in the movie theater, the concert hall and, if you're really rude, in business meetings. Your annoying ring can be heard from miles away because the volume is way up, so you won't miss a single call. Do us a favor, please, ask--no beg--for Siemens' first foray into the cursed cellular world. Pleasing on the eye--it's a high- tech, sleek silver model--the S40 is even more pleasing on the ear as it allows you to use its tone composer to create your own ringer melody. Consider a soothing tune off of, say Sade's Lovers' Rock or, for God's sake, even a New Age composition by Yanni would be better than that drone that your current phone wails out every time you receive a call. In addition to that feature, the phone also runs on GSM networks, which means that your ring will be heard anywhere in the world. That's certainly music to your ears. If we can't convince you to toss your phone into the ocean, make it less torturous for the rest of us and get this phone. Now.
$199-$379, Cingular stores or
www.siemenscordless.com

Grandma
If it's Tuesday, it must be mah-jongg at grandma's house. Come to think of it, every night is mah-jongg night at granny's. She lives and breathes mah-jongg. In fact, she's the mah-jongg champion of her retirement community. She's featured in Mah-Jongg Monthly as one of the world's foremost experts on the game. Her license plate reads Me-Jongg. Better than a diamond necklace is this bracelet made of bone replica mah jongg tablets and red glass beads. The ladies who play with her are already jealous of her status as a mah-jongg celebrity. Imagine their envy when they see this swank accessory on her wrist.
$70, Anthropologie,
1108 Lincoln Rd.,
Miami Beach; 305-695-0775;
700 S Rosemary Ave., West Palm Beach,
561-805-8770;
www.anthropologie.com

Insomniac
It's 3 a.m. The phone rings. "Are you alseep?" You were, thank you very much, until your token insomniac brought you out of dreamland to commiserate that he just can't sleep. No matter how hard he tries. He's read Valley of the Dolls forty times and, upon your suggestion, he's resorted to his own sleep-inducing dolls--thank heavens for Tylenol P.M.--but nothing seems to work anymore. And it's keeping you up too. Don't lose sleep over whether or not to change your phone number. Instead, try a natural sleep remedy such as valerian root, an herbal supplement with sedative characteristics that will have your friend knocked out faster than an 80-pound weakling up against Mike Tyson.
30 pills, $7, all GNC stores.

Blind-Sighted
Despite the fact that people still insist on wearing their sunglasses at night--a ghastly habit left over from the 80s--others prefer to just lose their specs. Literally. Keeping them on your head can give you a migraine, but you'd rather lose the glasses than wear them around your neck like your grandmother does. Until now. La Loop has crafted an uber-fashionable version of the granny chain out of 44 fabulous materials including red Venetian glass and Chinese yellow jade beads. These chains (from $135) may be more expensive than your cheap, knockoff Gucci glasses, but it's worth the investment, because, faux or real, lost glasses can add up to a fortune.
877-505-1500

Snaggle-Tooth
The spaces between your friend's teeth are Popeye's dream come true. A spinach-trapping hotbed of leftovers from her last meal. What to do short of ordering your friend never to eat leafy vegetables or pepper again? Try Japanese designer Chidoriya's darling little toothpick holder and mirror encased in lovely kimono fabric. It's discreet enough to pull out after dinner for a quick inspection and there's no need to rely on bent straws or matchbooks to pry out the particles in question.
$16, 877-613-2207

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