Donít Get Holidazed!

Holiday Gift Guide 2001

Rowdy Roadtrippers
"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" Ah, the inevitable, incessant line of questioning from the back seat boys and girls unwillingly subjected to mom and dad's National Lampoon-esque family vacation. If you haven't yet invested in one of those mini vans with the TV and VCR combo to keep the kiddies entertained, consider Kids Travel: A Backseat Survival Kit, chock-full of hours and hours and hours of entertainment including make- your-own jewelry supplies, markers, dice, quiz cards, game pieces, puzzles, song lyrics (yikes) and much, much more to ensure that the bored to tears kids won't wilt away while dad refuses to ask directions, mom insists you're way off track and, for some strange reason, Disney World looks very much like Dollywood.
$19.95, Target,
14075 Biscayne Blvd., North Miami Beach, 305-944-5341;
7795 SW 40th St., 305-262-5767;

Aspiring Sushi Chef
Know someone who thinks they're Nobu Matsuhisa? They should be so lucky. No, you should be so lucky, actually! But how do you think Nobu got so famous? Practice, practice, practice! It's not gonna happen with Uncle Ben's rice and seaweed scraped from the ocean floor, either. The Sushi Chef Kit has all they need to make like Nobu, with cookbook, rice, nori, pickled ginger, wasabi horseradish, soy sauce, rice vinegar, sushi vinegar, rice paddle and a bamboo mat for rolling the sushi just like a pro.

Stock Broken
It's been rough for this guy. Really rough. The circles under his eyes are deeper than the Grand Canyon and although he's only 35, he could probably score the senior citizen's discount at the movies. He works hard for your money and, to show him your appreciation, don't you dare invest more money in the roller coaster stock market, but instead, invest whatever you have left in a gift basket for your broken broker by Nature's Euphoria, consisting of after-shave splash, soothing shaving antiseptic, massage oil, moisturizing lotion, jock itch treatment (for the really active broker), bath sponge, hand towel, shaving mug with a brush handle, deodorant and liquid soap. All for a mere $55. It may not help the Dow Jones any, but it sure will make your broker feel like a million bucks before the bell rings.

Mark Poutenis
Mark Poutenis

Finicky Feline
There are some people who love cats more than--or in place of--their own children. You know who they are. The ones who corner you at the water cooler with photos of their cat's weekend exploits, the ones who throw birthday parties for the animal, the ones who install video cameras in their homes so they can keep track of the kitty on their "kitty cam" from work. There's no explanation for their fixation, so don't even bother wasting your time trying to figure it out. Because of all the pampering the cat has received, the dang thing has become rather finicky and only expects the best. Giving the cat a case of Purina is like giving a gourmand a gift certificate to McDonald's. Instead, consider giving the finicky feline the whole kitty and caboodle in the form of a fabulous gift basket consisting of organic grass, natural cat treats, coat conditioner, canker treatment, flea collar, organic catnip, antiseptic for cuts and wounds and plush towels.

Bill Gates may not be Jim Jones, but there's no denying the existence of the cult of Microsoft. You can almost pick out the cult's members in any Starbucks in the city. They almost look like clones of Gates, use little direct eye contact, have messy mop-top hair, wear blue shirts and khakis. And they're usually carrying--or buried in-- a computer. Computer goobers are everywhere, but only the Microsoftie would give his RAM to be the first on the block to have the new Xbox, Microsoft's answer to Sony Playstation. The creator of Xbox claims that the machine will redefine video games just as MTV redefined music. Um, is that supposed to be a good thing?
$499.94, Toys R Us,
551 NE 167th St., North Miami Beach, 305-653-8697;
19525 S Dixie Hwy., 305-233-6122 or

Junior Martha Stewart
While most kids are happy with good ol' fashioned peanut butter from a jar, this one isn't satisfied unless her PB & J is made with homemade peanut butter, created, of course, from the peanuts grown in the back yard. She can't play with the Play-Doh bought in the toy store, either. It has to be whipped up from scratch. Her favorite television show isn't the Power Puff Girls, either. It's all about Martha. Martha, Martha, Martha. Her idol, her inspiration. God help you. Just wait until she asks you how she can make her own baby. Yikes! Before she does that, consider the Metallic Bead-Pet kit, in which the crafty one can make her own lovely animals out of beads. We bet Martha wished she made metallic pets instead of having a daughter who dared to elope to avoid her mother's manic wedding plans.
$15, Toys R Us,
551 NE 167th St., North Miami Beach, 305-653-8697;
19525 S Dixie Hwy., 305-233-6122 or

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