Donít Get Holidazed!

Holiday Gift Guide 2001

Baby Spielberg
When this kid was only four years old, he was already criticizing camera angles used on his Barney videos. He also thought that Hayley Joel Osment was a terrible casting choice in that I-see-dead-people movie. He's also appalled that there was an American Pie II. Now a precocious eight-year-old, this kid wants to make movies. And not just any movie, either. He idolizes Steven Spielberg, even though, once again, he was disappointed with the use of Osment in AI, which, he thought, could have been a much better movie if he had any input in it. Though his hands are still too small for a Panavision camera, the Intel Play Digital Movie Creator is a good training wheel, an update of the old 8-mm camera allowing up to four minutes of digital video and audio. The thing also comes with editing software just in case the junior cameraman isn't pleased with his final cuts.

There's no way in hell a skeptic would ever believe a thing on the Sci Fi network's smash hit Crossing Over with John Edward. You believe it all and have seen every episode thus far. In fact, you could have sworn you channeled the spirit of Elvis at karaoke night even though your friend said your performance was absolutely pitiful and not even close. So what? Disbelievers are missing out, you say. You may not be able to get your friend to sit through an entire episode of Crossing Over because she says Edward's quick-draw McGraw tactics make her crazy, but perhaps the book Crossing Over will help convince her that it's not b.s. and that he does hear dead people. Fat chance, but it's still an amusing read either way.
$34.50, Books & Books,
265 Aragon Ave., Coral Gables, 305-442-4408;
933 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach, 305-532-3222;

Photo Synthesizer
Forget about music making the people come together. In this snap happy person's eyes, photos bring people together--by no choice of their own. "Everybody get together for a photo," is this person's fave phrase. And one photo isn't good enough, either. As a result, the Lomographic Society has created the Supersampler camera, a pocket-sized four-lens camera that has the ability to shoot four panoramic pictures in one shot. At least you won't have to hear "Say cheese" four times in a row.

Mark Poutenis
Mark Poutenis

Noisy Neighbor
Because of your apartment's paper-thin walls, you know way too much about your neighbor. This person's amorous activities are more reliable than your own alarm clock, but you never, ever set your alarm for 1 a.m. every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. At least your alarm has a snooze button. With this guy, there is no silencer to muffle his screams of ecstasy. A subtle hint, perhaps, will do. The Electronic Stretch Screamer looks like a cross between the Hulk and Herman Munster but when stretched, it makes a most-irritating shriek; even better, when you squeeze its head, gross stuff comes out. He'll get the picture. You hope.
$19.99, Target,
14075 Biscayne Blvd., North Miami Beach, 305-944-5341;
7795 SW 40th St., 305-262-5767;

Mariah Careyed Mom
Who works harder than your mom? She puts up with all your nonsense, does your laundry, cooks you dinner and doesn't harass you about the lack of grandchildren and a spouse even though you know it kills her. She wears the soccer mom hat for your younger brother, the stage mom hat for your JonBenet-ish sister (but she's no Patsy) and is the only person who visits your older brother in jail on a weekly basis. There's barely time in her day for a Calgon moment, but still, mom looks fab. How does she do it, you wonder? Although she hasn't yet checked herself into a clinic for exhaustion, oftentimes, she's on the verge. Remembering to call every Sunday is fine, but nothing shows your appreciation for all she does better than a Pamper Me basket from Baskets By Lisa, a collection of serenity-inducing items such as candles, lotions, truffles, a relaxing CD and other things that show you care enough to send the very best.
$35-$150, 305-754-0057;

Mom on the Run
As if taking care of an infant isn't enough exercise, this mom doesn't feel like she's fully worked out unless she breaks a complete sweat--and not one that ensues after the baby refuses to eat, sleep or poop. Gymboree notwithstanding, mom deserves her own workout, but she's still afraid of separation anxiety and won't leave the baby with the nanny or the football-obsessed husband. With the Jogging Stroller, mom can sprint around town with baby in tow. And in case she's worried about a potentially disastrous projectile situation, the stroller has a very secure brake system--front and rear--for safety.
$89.99, Target,
14075 Biscayne Blvd., North Miami Beach, 305-944-5341;
7795 SW 40th St., 305-262-5767;

Cross-Dressing Cook
(S)he already has the June Cleaver outfit, the Martha Stewart wig and the Julia Child voice down pat. However, there's just too much testosterone in the essence of Emeril. Although M.F.K. Fisher is probably overcooking in her grave, the one-and-only Boy George, entertainer-turned- DJ, can now add cookbook author to his colorful resume thanks to his collection of recipes found in the Karma Cookbook, co-authored with his personal chef Dragana Brown. All the recipes are macrobiotic and the vegetables color-coordinated.

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