Marlins Park Could Host College Bowl Game
By Kyle Munzenrieder
Gang Members Arrested After Bragging on Facebook
Miami Loses Both Super Bowl L and LI Bids
Miami Zombie Victim Releases Video Message
Allen West Finally Got a Fox News Gig
Chiropractor Forced Employees To Convert To Scientology
By Tim Elfrink
High Schooler Arrested, Expelled for Having Lesbian Relationship
Chad Johnson Ordered Back To Jail
Beleaguered rep: (Clicks over) Hello. Customer service. How may I help you today?
Caller #1: I've been on hold. I didn't get my paper this morning. Does any of this ring a bell?
Beleaguered rep: Yes, ma'am. Let's see, right, it's too late to get a copy of today's paper to you, but I'd be happy to credit your account.
Caller #1: I tried to take care of this earlier today through the automated system, but I didn't have much luck.
Beleaguered rep: What happened?
Caller #1: I started pushing the buttons on my phone like they tell you. I thought I was following directions, but I must have gotten rerouted.
Beleaguered rep: Why do you say that?
Caller #1: 'Cause I finally got this guy on the line, and he just kept asking me what I was wearing. When I told him, well, he started telling me what he was wearing....
Beleaguered rep: I'm very sorry about that, ma'am. I just need your name, please. (Pause) I'm not showing an account for you. How long have you been a Herald subscriber?
Caller #1: Almost nine years.
Beleaguered rep: That's funny. I can't pull you up on the screen. Are you sure you're a Herald subscriber?
Caller #1: (Exasperated) Darn tootin'. Ever since I moved to Grand Forks.
Beleaguered rep: How do you expect to get a copy of the Herald in Grand Forks?
Caller #1: Cancel my subscription. (Hangs up)
Beleaguered rep: (Clicks back) Hello. Customer service. How may I help you today?
Caller #2: This is José Sanchez again.
Beleaguered rep: From St. Paul?
Caller #2: No, from Miami. Look, I've decided to cancel my vacation. I don't have the energy to go away anymore. Don't do anything, okay? Nada, you understand?
Beleaguered rep: Yes, Mr. Sanchez and thank you for your cooperation. Gracias.
Caller #2: Yeah, yeah, I know: “Have a nice day.” “Mucho gusto.”
Beleaguered rep: Gusto? I thought you were calling about the Herald.
Caller #2: Which one?
Beleaguered rep: I don't remember.
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