Calendar for the week

thursday
february 12
David Copperfield: As tempted as we are to tear into David Copperfield, he denies us the pleasure by continuing to do it himself, over and over again. The oh-so-serious illusionist is now slicing himself in half with a laser beam. Don't, however, expect to see gallons of blood flowing; the stage and Dave's Hugo Boss remain corpuscle-free. Things could get messy later on when he struts through the spinning blades of a huge industrial fan, then brings out a contraption known as the Death Saw. Performances are at 6:00 and 9:00 tonight and tomorrow at the Jackie Gleason Theater of the Performing Arts (1700 Washington Ave., Miami Beach). Tickets range from $27.50 to $45. Call 673-7300. (NK)

friday
february 13
Miami International Boat Show/Strictly Sail: Water, water everywhere and lots of boats to sink! Are you a mariner who recently had a little mishap with your vessel, rendering it less than seaworthy? You have six days to get over to the world's largest consumer boat show and shop for a suitable replacement. You're sure to find something among the more than 2000 exhibitors who show off the latest in electronic gadgets, marine accessories, and of course powerboats. If you prefer to cruise the high seas under sail, hop on a free shuttle bus that will take you to three different locations for Strictly Sail, an in-water and dockside display of boats and sailing products. The boat show takes over the Miami Beach Convention Center (1901 Convention Center Dr., Miami Beach) from 10:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. today; 10:00 a.m. to 10:00 p.m. tomorrow; 10:00 a.m. to 9:00 p.m. Sunday and Monday; noon to 9:00 p.m. Tuesday; and noon to 7:00 p.m. Wednesday. Strictly Sail takes place from 10:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. today through Wednesday at the Biscayne Bay Marriott Marina (1633 N. Bayshore Dr.), the Bayside Marketplace Miamarina (401 Biscayne Blvd.), and Watson Island (off the MacArthur Causeway). Tickets range from $3 to $20. Call 535-0560. (NK)

George Wallace: When he was six years old and dreaming of being a comedian like his idol Red Skelton, George Wallace had no idea he'd end up a writer, actor, and radio commentator as well. Twenty years ago Wallace was working as a commercial rag salesman, then as an advertising executive. After a few years of saving money, he decided to dive into show biz. He began doing stand-up comedy and was quickly hired as a writer for The Redd Foxx Show. He progressed to guest-star spots on television shows (Seinfeld, Fresh Prince of Bel Air), roles in feature films (Batman Forever, Punchline), and had his own short-lived sitcom (Tall Hopes). A man who finds humor in the mundane (his most popular routine is about the stupid things people say, such as calling a person's death "untimely"), Wallace is one of the hottest comedians around. He performs at the Improv (3390 Mary St., Coconut Grove) tonight at 8:30 and 10:45, and tomorrow at 7:45 and 10:00 p.m. and midnight. Tickets cost $25; a Valentine's Day package, including dinner and flowers, costs $75. Call 441-8200. (NK)

Keith Haring Retrospective: Simple symbols, vibrant imagery, and a downtown sensibility permeate Keith Haring's art. Inspired by graffiti painters in the early Eighties, Haring left an underground legacy -- literally: His trademark white chalk drawings of flying saucers, barking dogs, luminous babies, and jumping men were scattered all over New York City subway stations. By the mid-Eighties he was a bona fide art world sensation. Part pop artist and part neoexpressionist, he incorporated influences from hip-hop culture, the gay club scene, and punk music into his work, which made its way to high-profile galleries. In the late Eighties he went commercial, opening up the Pop Shop -- a retail store in lower Manhattan that sold his work on buttons, T-shirts, tote bags, and posters. Always socially conscious, Haring created countless public murals for children's charities, in support of literacy campaigns, and to promote AIDS awareness. He died of AIDS in 1990; this retrospective, organized by the Whitney Museum of Art, celebrates his life and art with video footage showing Haring at work, displays of materials that he made and collected in childhood, continuous music specially produced by DJ Junior Vasquez, and more than 100 of his works -- several rescued from the subway stations. The exhibition remains on view through April 19 at the Museum of Contemporary Art (770 NE 125th St., North Miami). Admission is four dollars. Call 893-6211. (NK)

David Copperfield: See Thursday.

saturday
february 14
Bob Marley Caribbean Festival: There couldn't be a better place than the Bob Marley Caribbean Festival to get it goin' rub-a-dub-style with your sweetie on Valentine's Day. This year the five-year-old festival moves from its original home, Bayfront Park Amphitheater, to the Miami-Dade County Youth Fairgrounds (10901 SW 24th St.). It will take a lot of talent to keep the vibe rolling for the fourteen-hour musical marathon; as usual, Ziggy Marley and the Melody Makers, along with the rest of the Marley family performers, will headline. This year's fest also features Carlos Santana, Rising Lion, Lauryn Hill of the Fugees, John Brown's Body, Millo Torres y El Tercer Planeta, local favorite Kevens from Le Coup, special guest Woody Harrelson, and plenty more. Gates open at 11:00 a.m. Admission is ten dollars and four cans of food. Call 665-5379. (LB)

Coconut Grove Arts Festival: Get ready. The granddaddy of South Florida arts festivals takes over the Grove (around McFarlane Road and South Bayshore Drive) for three days. Stroll the streets and see the work of more than 300 artists, sample foods from a plethora of restaurants, and listen to music by the University of Miami Jazz Band today, flutist Nestor Torres tomorrow, and jazz-rockers the Rippingtons Monday. An arts fest for kids ages four through eleven runs concurrently at the Coconut Grove Convention Center (2700 S. Bayshore Dr.). For a mere five dollars per child, you can leave the little ones there for an hour to entertain themselves with hands-on activities while you meander through the mob. The fest runs through Monday, from 10:00 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. Admission is free. Call 447-0401. (NK)

Miami International Boat Show/Strictly Sail: See Friday.
George Wallace: See Friday.
Keith Haring Retrospective: See Friday.

sunday
february 15
Maynard Ferguson: The music begins this afternoon at the Gusman Center for the Performing Arts (174 E. Flagler St.) when trumpeter Maynard Ferguson brings his Pop Nouveau band to town for a 4:00 p.m. performance. The sexagenarian horn player became a star in the Forties as a member of the Stan Kenton Orchestra, where his distinctive technique allowed him to blow a piercing octave higher than the rest of the brass section. In later years he formed several big bands with a fancy for hard swing; he even dipped a toe into disco. These days he's probably best-known for his hit "Gonna Fly Now" from the Rocky movies. The Florida International University Jazz Band opens the show. Tickets cost $29.50. Proceeds benefit the Pigeon Key Foundation, which is restoring the Pigeon Key National Historic District in the Keys. Call 372-0925. (NK)

Elegance and Attitude Jazz Concert: Spend a jazzy evening listening to big band sounds, silky vocal interpretations, and stellar solo instrumentals at MDCC Wolfson Campus (300 NE Second Ave.). Raspy-voiced China Valles, legendary host of the late-night show China's Jazz Thing on WTMI-FM, is master of ceremonies. Performers include Ray Ray's Jazz Mix, featuring Dolph Castellano; trumpet player Melton Mustafa; and former hometown girl vocalist Alice Day, who now spends her time touring Europe and Asia. Showtime is 6:00 p.m. Tickets cost $15. Call 237-3010. (NK)

Miami International Boat Show/Strictly Sail: See Friday.
Keith Haring Retrospective: See Friday.
Coconut Grove Arts Festival: See Saturday.

monday
february 16
Sick: The Life & Times of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist: Afflicted with cystic fybrosis, Bob Flanagan spent his life in a lot of pain. He learned to cope with his suffering by making himself suffer even more. This performance artist was seriously into sadomasochism -- from slashing and burning his body to hammering nails into his very private parts. Disease and self-torture notwithstanding, Flanagan somehow managed to live until the age of 44 (he died in 1996). At times humorous, thought-provoking, and nausea-inducing, this documentary, winner of the Special Jury Prize at last year's Sundance Film Festival, tells his story in all its gory detail. Sick plays at the Alliance Cinema (927 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach) through Thursday. Admission is six dollars (see "Showtimes," page 60, for a schedule). Call 531-8504. (NK)

Miami International Boat Show/Strictly Sail: See Friday.
Coconut Grove Arts Festival: See Saturday.

tuesday
february 17
The Crystal Method: DJ culture jumps out of the booth and goes center stage tonight at the Theater (3339 N. Federal Hwy., Fort Lauderdale) with the Crystal Method. Even though the Method consists of just two guys, there's a bit more to the show than a couple of turntables and a mike. With a slew of equipment and effects and enough beats per minute to drive you to distraction, the Crystal Method is supporting its first full-length CD, Vegas, which is being heralded as America's answer to the Chemical Brothers and Daft Punk. Become a Methodist at 8:00 p.m. Tickets cost $16.50. Call 954-565-5522. (LB)

Miami International Boat Show/Strictly Sail: See Friday.
Keith Haring Retrospective: See Friday.
Sick: The Life & Times of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist: See Monday.

wednesday
february 18
Barney's Big Surprise: He's fond of the color purple, he sings, he dances, he has legions of loyal fans, and he says he has a big surprise. Could it be that Barney the purple dinosaur is really the Artist Formerly Known as Prince in disguise? Perhaps not, but the giant crooning reptile, star of his own top-rated television show broadcast in twenty countries, has spawned an empire that rivals the diminutive singer's. (His books, records, and videos generate huge sales; Barney and the names of all the other characters on his show are registered trademarks. He even has his own permanent attraction at the Universal Studios Florida theme park.) This 90-minute musical stage show, starring the lavender lizard, his friends BJ and Baby Bop, a variety of nursery rhyme characters including Mother Goose, Little Boy Blue, and Little Miss Muffet, and a cast of kiddie actors, is further evidence that the Barney business continues to flourish, but the Purple One also has a heart. Organizers are donating a portion of the proceeds from the two-year, 60-city tour to the Starbright Foundation (chaired by dinosaur devotee Steven Spielberg), which helps seriously ill children and their families. Barney loves you at 7:00 tonight at the Miami Arena (721 NW First Ave.). Performances run through February 22. Tickets range from $10 to $25. Call 530-4400. (NK)

Miami International Boat Show/Strictly Sail: See Friday.
Keith Haring Retrospective: See Friday.
Sick: The Life & Times of Bob Flanagan, Supermasochist: See Monday.

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