By Nate "Igor" Smith
By Abel Folgar
By Kat Bein
By Jacob Katel
By Karli Evans
By Jose D. Duran
By Pablo Chacon Alvarez
Variations include "Dr. Jack Kevorkian Euthanized My Balls" and "O.J. Simpson Murdered My Balls." What does this have to do with pop stars? Nothing, really, except that dozens of them seem to be wolfing down testicles as well -- not only the usual suspects (Vanilla Ice, New Kids on the Block, Sean "Puff Daddy" Combs, Peter Cetera, Bush) but some first-time offenders (AC/DC, R.E.M., Jane's Addiction) and some truly surprising culprits (Jazz trumpeter Don Cherry? What would he want with your balls?).
For your amusement and protection, a lineup of all the ball-eaters in the world is posted at www.mrev.net/mrzebra/ate-my-balls.
Meanwhile, back in the non-ball-gobbling world, hate pages continue to pop up. (Because of the temperamental nature of the online medium, some of the Websites cited in this article may be down temporarily -- for repairs, for revisions, or as a result of technical breakdowns. Don't let a little Net snafu get between you and perfectly realized hate. Keep trying.) Today, it's Radiohead (gene.wins. uva.nl/~vblock). Tomorrow, Pantera (www.geocities.com/Athens/Acropolis/6731). Or perhaps even an entire genre like country music (www.geocities. com/Area51/5920/country.html) or rave music (www.kiss.uni-lj.si/~k4fe0104/ravehate/index.html). To keep track of all the new scorn and derision -- what is the rate of hate? swift -- be sure to visit hubsites like Motown Junk (www.geocities.com/ SunsetStrip/Alley/7866/), which maintains a list of the ten worst tunes of all time.
And then there's always Anti-Music, the Web Hate Ring (members.tripod.com/ ~Tchort79/ring.html), a site that links all the anti-band and anti-song pages online and will even send you to a randomly selected site. Is anyone immune?
Well, one band seems to be. Primus, the alternative trio led by bassist extraordinaire Les Claypool, has long promoted itself with the slogan "Primus Sucks," and there's even an official Website that incorporates the sentiment into its URL (www.primussucks. com). Once you've spent time at the hate pages, though, the Primus page, with its promise of derision and delivery of adulation, can seem like a ripoff.
Don't you hate it when hate is nothing more than respect in disguise?