It's Only Rock and Roll: See Thursday.
Christmas Through the Ages: See Friday.
Shawn McConneloug and Her Orchestra and David Hernandez: See Friday.

sunday
december 14
Family Day Kite Festival: Kids who have always wanted to tell their parents to go fly a kite can do so today. In fact, from noon to 5:00 p.m. at Haulover Park (10800 Collins Ave.), kids and adults can fly kites together at this festival. Calypso band Duppy Dub performs while kite-building classes, a variety of contests, and air shows go on all afternoon. The kiddies won't want to miss three scheduled candy drops -- a sort of sugar-coated shower where buckets of sweets are lifted in the air and dumped on the lucky little youngsters. Admission is free. Call 945-1681. (NK)

The Bizarre Ball: Strike a pose, there's nothing to it: Vogue. Even if you've done it before you can still participate in this event for gays, lesbians, and straights; all you need is a flair for drama and an arresting fashion sense. There are four divisions (open, butch queens, fem queens/women, and butch queens in drag) and sixteen separate categories such as Realness Mac Daddy Drug Dealer and Fem Queen Bridal Wear. Individuals (known as independents) or members of a house (organized teams with clever names such as the House of Infiniti and the House of Chanel) try to impress a panel of judges by getting dolled up and outdoing each other on the runway. It's a lot of fun, but some contestants take this very seriously. As the organizers say, props and accessories are a must. The festivities start at 11:00 tonight at Zen nightclub (1203 Washington Ave., Miami Beach). Admission is ten dollars. Call 265-2186. (NK)

It's Only Rock and Roll: See Thursday.
Christmas Through the Ages: See Friday.
Miami Jewish Film Festival: See Saturday.

monday
december 15
Florida Panthers vs. Boston Bruins: Put a cat and a bear on the ice and most probably the result will be an ugly, bloody mess. Hey, sounds just like a hockey game! Less than a month ago in Miami the Panthers clobbered the Bruins by a substantial margin (10-5). So don't be surprised if the bruisers from Boston (who are playing under a new coach, just like our team) are feeling a wee bit vengeful. Will they muster up the power to crush the cats on their own turf? Find out tonight at 7:30 at the Miami Arena (721 NW 1st Ave.). Tickets range from $25 to $29. Call 530-4400. (NK)

Butch Camp: Kneel, pigs! That's comedienne Judy Tenuta's usual greeting to straight men. Tonight find out how she addresses gay men. The reputed one-time wife of Emo Phillips (the guy with the Prince Valiant hair), self-described "Aphrodite of the Accordion," and "Multimedia Bondage Goddess" has recorded albums, starred in her own television comedy specials, written a book, and founded her own religion, "Judyism." Now she hits the big screen in this farce. Miss T. plays a demanding drill sergeant at a training camp where gays learn to defend themselves and where the main character, Matt, retreats after he hits rock bottom. To complete the course Matt and his friends have to pass the final exam: hanging out in a rough-and-tumble Chicago sports bar for 30 minutes without getting beaten to a pulp. Let's hope Judy trained them well. The movie runs through Thursday at the Alliance Cinema (927 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach). Admission is six dollars. Call 531-8504 for times. (NK)

Miami Jewish Film Festival: See Saturday.

tuesday
december 16
Lilith Fair: This gynocentric traveling festival skipped Florida this past summer, but it makes a just (or is that fair?) return to play Coral Sky Amphitheatre (601 Sansbury's Way, West Palm Beach) tonight. The tour is named after Adam's first wife in Hebrew legend; Lilith wanted to be treated as his equal and supposedly refused to lie beneath him in bed. The women are certainly on top for this year's Lilith Fair, but fair organizer Sarah McLachlan is reportedly considering some male performers for future festivals (see "Music," page 83). So check it out while it's still in the pure form of female-fronted bands only. Luscious Jackson, the Indigo Girls, Sheryl Crow, and Missy Elliot join McLachlan. Two smaller stages host national and local talent including Letters to Cleo and Mary Karlzen. Tickets cost $18.75. Showtime is 4:30 p.m. Call 561-795-8883. (LB)

Second Folkloric Meeting: Saint Lazarus might be the patron saint of the downtrodden and the disabled, but don't tell the Afro-Cuban Posse. The band, a supergroup of musicians including Israel Kantor and Lazarito (former members of Cuban group Los Van Van), intends to celebrate the saint's upcoming day in grand style tonight at 10:30 at the Fontainebleau Hilton's Club Tropigala (4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach). To honor the saint (who also doubles as Babalo Aiye in the Yoruba religion Santeria), African drumming, singing, and dancing dedicated to various orichas, and music in all sorts of styles such as salsa, rumba, and even Latin jazz will be performed. Tickets cost $20 and $30. Call 538-4761. (NK)

It's Only Rock and Roll: See Thursday.
Miami Jewish Film Festival: See Saturday.
Butch Camp: See Monday.

wednesday
december 17
Goodbye, My Friduchita: Poor Frida Kahlo. She suffered from polio as a child, was practically paralyzed from injuries she sustained in a bus accident during her teens, and was married to Mexican muralist/cad Diego Rivera. (We won't even get into her unibrow and mustache.) Somehow she still managed to climb out of bed every day, paint a slew of eerie self-portraits, charm people with her sparkling personality, and conduct plenty of affairs with famous men -- and women (see "Theater," page 65). If all this fascinates you, get to the Coconut Grove Playhouse (3500 Main Hwy.) this afternoon at 2:15 or tonight at 8:30 and see Doris Sendler's Goodbye, My Friduchita, a play that presents an intimate look at this intriguing artist. Performances run through January 18. Tickets range from $22 to $27. Call 442-4000 for times. (NK)

It's Only Rock and Roll: See Thursday.
Miami Jewish Film Festival: See Saturday.
Butch Camp: See Monday.

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