Life Sentences

Forget Hiaasen, Balmaseda, and Steinback -- the Herald's weird, wacky "Police Report" is the prose by the pros

An employee of the Normandy Supermarket in Miami Beach allegedly kicked a man in the buttocks. The two had been arguing inside the store. When the man turned around to leave, the employee followed him and kicked him while yelling at him in Spanish.

An employee at Cocofresco in South Beach allegedly slapped a customer at about 10:40 p.m. Wednesday. The customer, who was buying a drink, had pointed out that the employee had incorrectly rung up the price.

An employee of Gold Electronics on South Beach allegedly hit two customers. The tourists were picking up pictures they had left to be developed. When the tourists complained that the employee was being rude, the employee pushed one of the tourists and punched the other in the mouth.

The Customer Strikes Back
A waitress at the Latin Food Cafe in South Beach was punched in the face when she asked a patron to pay his four-dollar bill. The man then left the restaurant. A man fitting his description was arrested nearby and charged with robbery.

A man walked into Lucy Supermarket in Homestead, punched the store manger in the chin, and ran off.

A worker at Blockbuster Video in South Miami stopped a man after he had walked out of the store and the alarm went off. The worker asked the man to re-enter the store. The man refused. The worker asked again, the man said no again but walked back in, slapped the worker in the face with the palm of his hand, got into his car, and left, driving north on U.S. 1. The alarm, however, did not set off when the man re-entered the store.

Those Alluring Females!
A man met a woman at a gas station in Leisure City at about 1:30 a.m. Monday. The woman invited the man back to her place for drinks, but instead took him to an abandoned house where three men robbed him of his jewelry.

A woman who gave her name as Rosie robbed a man who invited her to his apartment in Miami Gardens. The man had met the woman earlier that night at a nightclub. The last thing he told police he remembered was watching a movie with the woman in his bedroom. He believes she slipped something in his drink, rendering him unconscious. When he woke up the next morning, the woman was gone. Missing were $900, a $1000 check made out to cash, a cellular phone, and his wallet.

Sore Losers
A man bit another on the back and on the upper lip, causing him to need stitches and possibly plastic surgery, after he became enraged over a gambling loss of two dollars. The incident occurred Tuesday afternoon at an apartment in Homestead. The victim was taken to Homestead Hospital by a friend.

A sore loser beat up the winner of a pool game around 4:30 a.m. Thursday. The two men had been playing pool inside Lucky's, 1969 71st St. When the game was over, the winner walked out. The loser followed him out and threatened him "because he didn't like losing," then punched him in the face while three other men held the winner's arms. Once the winner was on the ground, the loser kicked him in the head and body.

Good Excuses
A burglar was caught as he left a Coral Gables office building with a television set about 3:30 a.m. Ofcr. Eugene Gibbons was dispatched to the office building when the alarm went off. He walked into the rear courtyard and saw a man carrying a large white television set. Once the man saw the officer, he put the TV down behind a plant and tried to hide. The officer asked him what he was doing and the man said, "I work here and this is my TV." He could not produce identification. Another officer went inside and found the door to one of the suites kicked in with significant damage to the frame. Ramiro Rodriquez, 31, was charged with burglary and theft.

Miami police saw a man carrying an armful of new construction equipment along Biscayne Boulevard at 4:45 a.m. When the man saw police, he tried to hide the items behind his back and said he did not know where he got the items. Police found a glass cocaine pipe with crack cocaine in his front left pocket. Police arrested Harold Mann, 30, and charged him with possession of drug paraphernalia, possession of cocaine, theft, and loitering and prowling.

Safety Tip: Beware of Small Talk
While two women walked on a downtown Miami sidewalk, a robber said, "What's up?" grabbed one woman's gold necklace valued at $300, and ran off.

The Ongoing Miami Beach Parking Problem
The driver of a 1997 Ford Escort became irate when he was told he couldn't park his car in the loading zone of a building in the 600 block of Collins Avenue because of construction. When the driver got out of his car, he took a board out of a pick-up truck parked nearby and started beating the man who told him not to park in the loading zone. The man tried to defend himself with a shovel, but the driver wrested it from him before getting back into the Escort. Police stopped the driver before he was able to get away.

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