MEMORANDUM

To: Pat Riley
Re: How to win over a football town
There's a lot of work to be done here in Miami. It's not just about winning games. This is a battle for the heart and soul of a football town! Look around: Shula, J.J. -- even Dan Marino has a place with his name on it. You need a classy sports bar to call your own! Where basketball is king (and the servers do not wear Armani knockoffs).

Here's the fame, er, game plan:
1) Emphasis on sports, more sports, and ONLY sports.
2) Location, location, location -- a centrally located spot with that "Florida feel" and lots of free parking.

3) Plenty of TV sets, placed where people can comfortably watch at least three events at a time.

4) A Remote Control Manager (RCM) -- the future of excellent sports bar customer service. The RCM makes sure people are watching what they want, closed-captioned if they want, and with good reception. He or she will know exactly what's available, and make sure all the customers know it too.

5) Offer sound -- with the headphone system used on airplanes! (A real innovation: Customers plug headphones into a jack at every seat, and turn the knob to tune into the game they're watching.)

6) Sports-related promotions. Not so many gimmicks that people feel put upon, but enough so they know you care. Get people to watch new things. Did you know that next to NFL football, figure skating is the second most popular sport? And the most popular among women?

7) Plenty of food that is not so fattening. Grill those chicken wings. And those hamburgers, hot dogs, and steaks. Baked sweet potatoes. Bowls of fat-free pretzels. Celery! (Can't hurt.)

8) Multiple copies of the dailies' sports sections available all around.
9) No rip-off prices.
10) And no Pat Riley merchandise. (Don't even think about it.)
Build it, Pat, and they will come.