By Chuck Strouse
By Scott Fishman
By Terrence McCoy
By Ryan Yousefi
By Ciara LaVelle, Kat Bein, Carolina Del Busto, and Liz Tracy
By Pepe Billete
By Ryan Yousefi
By Kyle Swenson
NT: Any love for me on the horizon?
PSYCHIC: Of course. You just haven't found the right person. That's why you went through all that hurt and all that disappointment. But the right person is coming for you.
NT: Say, you sound kind of cute.
PSYCHIC: Thank you [giggling].
NT: Where do you live?
PSYCHIC: I live in Texas. I'm right near Fort Worth, Texas.
NT: Can I come by sometime?
PSYCHIC: Sure. But I'm not allowed to give you my phone number, my address, or anything else.
NT: You know, my cat died a few days ago. His name was Tommy.
PSYCHIC: Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. I had one, too. She got run over.
NT: That's exactly how mine died. He got hit by a train. I think mine committed suicide.
PSYCHIC: How could he have committed suicide?
NT: I don't think he was very happy. Is there any way we can psychically contact the spirit of my dead cat Tommy?
PSYCHIC: You need a clairvoyant for that. I'm not that type of a reader.
NT: What about Philip Michael Thomas, is he clairvoyant?
PSYCHIC: I don't really know. It's possible. Now, getting back to your love life: There is a special person coming. Someone who will make your life very happy. Someone you will be comfortable with. And I also see a lot of success coming your way financially. I see you getting involved in some business dealings with other people that are going to be very, very good for you.
NT: Are they crooked? Anything illegal?
PSYCHIC: No, it's not illegal. But you know, nothing is perfect these days.
NT: I'm not going to have to kill anyone, am I?
PSYCHIC: Oh! Of course not. You wouldn't do that, anyway.
NT: I mean, I'd be willing to break some knees, but killing would be out.
PSYCHIC: Breaking some knees would be fine -- they'll heal. But you shouldn't go around doing that, either.
NT: Unless the money was right.
PSYCHIC: No, you won't do that. Why break somebody's knees? Then they can't get up and go to the bathroom.
NT: Well, at that point it wouldn't really be my concern, now would it?
PSYCHIC: What kind of work are you doing right now?
NT: I'm a fireman.
PSYCHIC: You like to live dangerously.
PSYCHIC: Have you saved any lives?
NT: No. Not really. Just the opposite. I bungled a couple of things. But I really don't want to talk about that.
PSYCHIC: Oh. Well, don't worry about that. Like with anything, the more you do it, the more you learn.
NT: You would hope so, but sometimes people are just really bad at what they do. That's why this whole career thing is interesting to me.
PSYCHIC: I do see a change. Because for the past few years I see that you've gotten into things that you really didn't want to do. You just haven't found the thing that you enjoy doing. Don't worry, nobody's perfect.
NT: Philip Michael Thomas is.
PSYCHIC: Why is he so perfect?
NT: He was on Miami Vice.
PSYCHIC: So? So was Don Johnson.
NT: And where are they now?
PSYCHIC: I don't know. They are out living their lives.
NT: What kind of a percentage do you think Philip Michael Thomas is getting off the phone lines?
PSYCHIC: I don't know.
NT: Psychically, what would you guess his percentage is?
PSYCHIC: I couldn't tell you. It could be a lot.
NT: I bet he's making a bundle off this.
PSYCHIC: I'll tell you what, I've had my phone on since before 9:00 a.m. this morning and I haven't had time to put on clothes.
NT: So you're naked right now?
PSYCHIC: No. I mean --
NT: So what exactly are you wearing?
PSYCHIC: A pair of black pants and a white shirt. I finally took the time to put them on because I was in my pajamas till noon. That's what I meant.
NT: You know, you didn't have to put anything on for me.
PSYCHIC: No, I was just trying to make the point about how many phone calls are coming in.
NT: I mean, I'm not wearing anything either.
PSYCHIC: That sounds interesting.
NT: Have you ever been to Philip Michael Thomas's house? I hear it's lovely.
PSYCHIC: No. I have not. Do you have some sort of an obsession with him?
NT: It's not really an obsession. But there might be a restraining order in the works. Did you get to shake his hand?
NT: Could you feel the psychic energy?
PSYCHIC: Yes. Somewhat.
Total cost: $39.90