By Chuck Strouse
By Scott Fishman
By Terrence McCoy
By Ryan Yousefi
By Ciara LaVelle, Kat Bein, Carolina Del Busto, and Liz Tracy
By Pepe Billete
By Ryan Yousefi
By Kyle Swenson
Butthorn of the week: Old news, but I saved it. Gary Busey. The herbs and mushroom salad sounds like a tasty lunch, but the coke's gotta go. I mention this mainly because it was Busey who coined the word butthorn in some movie, the title of which I'll never remember and couldn't locate even with the help of Todd Anthony.
The media circus: Speaking of T and hitting the threes, the New Times basketball team has had an eventful season so far this year. In our first game, newcomer Robert Powell, hired from XS, went into the game, scrambled for a loose ball on his first play, and got his head busted wide open when he slammed his face into the floor. These Broward guys have to realize this ain't no pussy game. We still have Pat "The Worm" Flood in the middle and Funky Daddy Frank at the point, Steven and Kuhk, not to mention our good players. Basketball and rock and roll. Can I have two religions, or does that count as one?
Pet corner: Congrats to Ron and Sue. Get God on the job, Julie. Hey Greg S., this call's for you, not me. Nice editing job on this alleged column Jim F. Mullin. (Bet Mullin doesn't even remember the essence of that joke: When he was hired here more than seven years ago, he was introduced to staff by one of the owners of the corporation as "Jim Mullin, but you'll be calling him 'fuckhead' soon enough." So we bought a classified ad for "Jim F. Mullin.") Big thanks to the music and the real dogs: Roxy, Kina, and the stray you drive by today. I still can't believe they named a dog after me A Kina Baker, what a joke. Life's a joke, and jokes are good things, not bad. Sorry, I have to grow now. No jokes this time. For once this really is the last "Program Notes" for me. Peace.
(Just kidding about the "peace.