From Animal House to Bleak House

-- dry rush. No hazing. And you need to pull a permit to throw a decent party. It's enough to make a UM Greek hurl.

A A A Comments By Steven Almond Wednesday, Sep 28 1994

...continued from page 6

Toward the end of the list of 200 pledges, a chubby kid with a dazed expression stumbles past the Rho Alpha with the microphone. He is announced as accepting Alpha Tau Omega's invitation, becoming the second and final ATO pledge of the evening. After much distracted searching, he locates a few of his new brothers, who are hanging out at the back of the pack.

"I'm not sure where the rest of the guys are," Richard Bull says. "They must be out drinking."

Oblivious to his surroundings, Adam August, UM's student body president and the rush chairman for Sigma Alpha Mu, shouts into his portable phone, hoping to lure a few rushee no-shows. The history books will show this year's rush yielded 208 new frat boys and 190 new sorority sisters, a solid increase for the men, while the women held steady.

But as the affair winds down, officially ending the dry rush, alcohol suddenly becomes the chief topic of discussion. "Here come the lushes," observes a Pike, as two of his brothers teeter toward the group, woefully late. "Let's go catch up."

The plaza is now practically empty, the pledges tucked into their new identities and itching to reach a state of inebriation that will allow them to enjoy their newfound brotherhood. Only a sprinkling of invitations and flower stems is left to mark the events of the past week.

Then a blood-curdling scream sounds, and a herd of Lambda Chi Alphas appears on the raised stage to the north. "Let's go consume," one yells, leading his brothers on a charge across the pavilion. "We're gonna need funnels!" They exit triumphantly, as Greeks should, leaving behind them a trail of garbage but making sure to right the plastic furniture they have, in their lust for drink, knocked over.