Rubber Sold

For another person, these words might have been the perfect parting shot, but I'm still troubled by one loose end: What were those hula hoops for? I search out the scriptwriter; he's bound to know. "Well, uh," he ventures, smiling foolishly. "We thought that maybe you guys would try to hula hoop with tires and collapse under their weight. I guess it's what you'd call 'tire-related fun.' Like the girl waterskiing on the tire. It's really a low priority. But anyway, we had to get you to do something. If you could handle that, we figured you could handle anything we threw at you."

I still haven't seen the $5000-plus Kim assured me I'd get; she now admits with some embarrassment that she miscalculated. I did get the normal day rate of $443.25. Not quite enough to pay off a car loan, but definitely an absurd amount of money for eight hours of sweating and sitting around.

As for residuals, I'll have to wait for that windfall. The money depends on a few factors that are beyond my control, such as how long my peculiar retro look remains a viable selling tool, and whether automobiles remain the primary mode of transport in the U.S. According to Barb Craig, supervisor of the NTW account for the Detroit-based advertising firm W.B. Doner & Company, an NTW commercial using some footage from our shoot has been airing this summer in several cities including Washington, D.C., Philadelphia, Houston, Austin, Atlanta, and Charleston, South Carolina. (A Spanish-language version has appeared locally, as well.)

The bad news: I'm not in either spot.
But there is good news: Barb Craig foresees a lucrative future for my NTW efforts. Doner has created another 30-second commercial for the tire sellers, in which I do appear. Craig expects the ad to run later in the year. Maybe even in Miami. If number of appearances determines one's position on the marquee, then I'm indeed the star of this one. I show up no fewer than three times among the rapid-fire images: screaming into the pay phone with the tire at my feet; tripping along behind the tire on Collins Avenue; and (my hand only) painting the VW. In total, the cameos burn up about three-quarters of a second.

Of course that's just the beginning. "We were able to shoot so much footage in Miami that we could extend this campaign for a number of years on the basis of this one shoot," Craig says perkily. "We're going to keep you in money for a while." And there's no doubt where I'm going the next time I need treads.