A Few Bones to Pick

Why the wildest man in rock and roll works for Rush Limbaugh

Another famous rocker to feel the wrath of Nuge's political vision: Kurt Cobain. Nugent has endured some backlash since first voicing his feelings about the dead Nirvana frontman. "And I consider it an honor," he bellows. "Courtney's dad was on Geraldo the other day saying he'd like to punch out me and Andy Rooney. He couldn't get past Andy Rooney, how's he gonna do with me? I piss on and curse the ground Kurt Cobain walked. I'll eat asparagus to make my piss stink before I piss on his grave. Heroin-addicted piece of shit. To have a heroin-addicted baby. We're supposed to feel sorry for these people? I'd like to fucking spray 'em with bullets, goat-urine-soaked bullets." Nugent pauses. "Sorry. I'm calling from the Tulsa airport, and this bank of pay phones just cleared out."

Even though his first hit was "Journey to the Center of the Mind" with the Amboy Dukes, Nugent professes to have never touched alcohol or any other drugs. "I'm very proud of that," he says. "I meet with young people, do teleconferences, presentations, and I look 'em in the face and let 'em know they have a choice. To be in charge of themselves, their senses can't be poisoned A nicotine, lack of sleep, bad pussy, alcohol. The body is a temple, not a Stone Temple Pilot. I'm in charge of this, and I'm very successful at being happy. So I speak against that geeky sheep mentality and tell 'em, 'Don't go the Kurt Cobain route.'"

Not that Nuge always goes the Rush Limbaugh route, either. "We disagree on some things," the Motor City Madman admits. "Abortion, suicide, and some environmental issues -- he thinks we should pummel the Earth." On other issues, though, the two are a match made in media heaven. "I reek of the F-word," Nugent offers. "Family is everything. I was appointed by the governor of Michigan as spokesman for the Year of the Family."

Which brings him to the issue of the day, what with June being Gay and Lesbian Pride Month. How does the sweaty, macho, buffalo-killing, father-husband, guitar showman feel about homosexuals? "Not at my ranch. I seen dogs sniff each other's ass...." He pauses, as if this is one question that hasn't been asked in the millions of interviews Nugent's provocative commentary has inspired. "They've got a situation, a condition...." He seems to be thinking hard about it as he stands at the pay phone in Oklahoma. "If they enjoy it, I say live it up. You can do a swan dive into warm peanut butter, but don't splash any on my ass. It's an aberration, it's unhealthy. You're a species, you have to reproduce. So it's a man and a woman."

Species survival aside, Nugent seems a bit unsure about homosexuality, maybe not so surprising for a man who years ago would swing on a rope, nearly naked, like Tarzan, to begin his live shows. "I'm not against it on the moral issue. As a gay issue, I think it's a bad turn for the individual. Like if a guy's got a bum leg, I wouldn't recommended he be shot. I consider [homosexuality] a bum leg. So press on, my friends, and be the best you can be." There you go, gay people -- you can wango tango all you want, and Ted's not coming through your bedroom window with an AK-47. Just don't smoke or drink or do dope while you're in there.

For all his proselytizing, and despite the fact that Senator Wallop noted that Nuge is "a hunter who also happens to be a rock star," the man with the plan is still finding time to rock and roll, and that's something he doesn't have to stop and think about. "The new album is called Spirit of the Wild, and it's heavy on the spirit and heavy on the wild. On this tour, I'm having more fun, it's more exhilarating, accelerating, more torque, adrenaline than I've ever had in my greasy 45 years. Who the fuck do I think I am, and is this legal? This Gibson I'm playing is a natural, a big damn thing. No wonder there's no rain forest; they put it all in this fucking instrument. This is a glorious moment for mankind! It's just unnatural how much fun I'm having."

Ted Nugent performs at 9:30 p.m. Monday at the Button South, 100 Ansin Blvd, Hallandale, 457-1222. Tickets cost $25.

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