I don't give a fuff if he blocks chords or not, jim, Mike Gerber means it mean and sharp when he sits down at a piano, he feels it and fills it, and he's one of the best jazz keyers around. Gerber's back in town and is recording a live album at the Music Room, today through Saturday. (Go and your ambient noise might end up on the album.)
The North Miami Beach Pops Orchestra is tuning up for next season, which begins in September, and they're conducting a search for players, particularly cello, viola, bass, and tuba. If you're interested, and you should be, call 948-2986 or 947-9262.
Butthorn of the week: Dwarves, the headliners at a July 7 show at Washington Square. The butthornal band hit the stage and played one song before the rhythm guitarist's amp went hooey, at which point he went off-stage into the middle of the mosh pit, began playing until some skankers got tangled in his amp chord. He had a fit, threw his guitar at the drumset, inspiring the other members of the group to throw their instruments at the drums. The whole set lasted less than three minutes. (Elvis Hitler and Smoke Dog and Titmouse may have made up for it with their early sets, but concertgoers, who paid $8, would still like to toss a big ol' 'horn to Dwarves.)
The media circus: scrape celebrates its first anniversary with its fifth issue -- by far the worst yet. Pick it up and read an interview with Bad Religion ("The way media caters to the lowest common denominator waters down the intellect of everybody"), original new fiction by J.G. Ballard, an on-the-mark explanation of why R.E.M. sucks, a list of Jesus bands and Jesus songs and Jesus albums, and a ton of reviews and other fodder. The issue is so packed with good dope we'll even forgive them for mentioning us. (Note to the editors of scrape: Did you say plugs or drugs?)
Pet corner: It was two years ago that Wheel of Fortune, perhaps the most popular teevy game show ever, banned fur-product prizes. Our side will win. It just takes time.