By Chuck Strouse
By Scott Fishman
By Terrence McCoy
By Ryan Yousefi
By Ciara LaVelle, Kat Bein, Carolina Del Busto, and Liz Tracy
By Pepe Billete
By Ryan Yousefi
By Kyle Swenson
What I know is that I've now listened to Human Touch a few dozen times (hey, I get paid, albeit not enough, to listen to all kinds of shit) and the newbruce is derivative, mostly of Bruce Springsteen. "Soul Driver" is a reworking, and not a great one, of "This Little Girl Is Mine" from Gary U.S. Bonds's Dedication. "With Every Wish" is an inadequate rip-off of Greg Brown. Et cetera. Moreover, a lyric from Touch: "Now if you're lookin' for a hero/Someone to save the day/Well darlin' my feet/They're made of clay." An old lyric from Born to Run's "Thunder Road": "Well now I'm no hero that's understood/All the redemption I can offer girl is beneath this dirty hood." Shoulda stuck with the car metaphors, bossman. "Pony Boy"? Gimme a break. Keep it in your kids' bedrooms, dude. Go through the lyric sheet and note how many lines begin with the world "well." Well?
The dailies are saying as how Springsteen will appear this week on Saturday Night Live. Talk about 57 channels and nothin' on.
So here's some real news involving Bruce, which we gathered even though his publicists have castrated us and cut us off since our little hoax last fall. Timmy Thomas is a vocalist with one of South Florida's finest bands, Gary King and the Dream. Two decades ago he had a huge hit, recently borrowed by McHammer for his Too Legit to Quit album. When he played live here, sources say, McHammer performed "Tell Me (Why Can't We Live Together)," and brought Thomas out as a special guest. The rumor was that McHammer planned to drop the track as the next single. Now, we hear, the new idea is to make a "We Are da World" type video of it featuring McHammer, Thomas, and, yup, Springsteen.
Butthorn of the week: Sony Music, Bruce Springsteen, and the whole bloody lot of 'em. But not because of the music. It's a rare day when I buy an album, because I get 'em all (except Bruce, of course) free from flacks hoping I'll plug 'em and you'll buy 'em. I literally don't have enough time to listen to everything people want me to listen to. But being a fiercely dedicated professional and all (not to mention that I'm reimbursed by my always-helpful employers), I moseyed to a CD store and bought a copy of Human Touch. (I don't get paid enough to listen to Lucky Town.) So what happens? First, walking out the store, alarms go off - the clerk forgot to debug the security stick-on. But finally I make it back to the office and pop the cassette in my brobox. Kzzklckllzz. Ate it like Mikey. Had to walk back to the store and get a copy that'd play. Caveat emptor, I'll say.
The media circus, part one: I did catch a bit of riot coverage on teevy. One correspondent said something to the effect of "the rules have been thrown out here." Profound. And poor Rick Sanchez on Channel 7 referred to the actions being taken by "President Reagan." The truth comes out!
The media circus, part two: The Miami Herald explained the universe recently, using a patronizing Q&A format so us dumb-dumbs could understand the Big Bang Theory. Third question: "Does The Big Bang shoot holes in the biblical account of creation?" Jesus. No, common sense does that, but thanks a lot for asking. Hasta la vista, baby.