Program Notes

The world's greatest rock band, the Chant, may release a third album and might even appear live in Miami this year. Check your Sun-Sentinel for updates.

Butthorn of the week: Your employee Jim Smith, whose title is Secretary of State. This fine human being (my editors made me put it that way) is still itchy-scratchy because he couldn't gaff the funds of the Miami Film Festival. In a letter to fellow censor Johnny B. Thompson, Smith described turning over to the Festival the rest of their money as "the most embarrassed I have ever been." Oooh, turn red, Jimmy, turn red. And while we're on the topic, let's toss a big ol' butthorn to Robyn Blumner of the American Civil Liberties Union for chickening out on a public debate, apparently because Mr. Thompson was also on the panel. Robyn, baby, cowardice does not become you.

The media circus: The Dade County Youth Fair must have a pretty big one for so many media to be able to jump on it at the same time. The Fair ceased to matter sometime shortly after it moved from K-Land and turned from a science fair intended to demonstrate the expanding minds of young people into a circus/carnival/money machine. But teevy and others continue to coddle the damn thing as if it were their very own brainless baby. (Please, don't get me started on the media circus gone circle jerk surrounding the circumstances of that unfortunate birth: The baby died, but the story goes on. Coma baby lives! God, it's real.)

The worst Youth Fair plug I endured came courtesy of Channel 4 News after some dudes got shot out there at Tamiami. Poor anchorman Steve Abrams was forced to play patsy to the Metro-Dade cops who wanted to assure each and everyone of you that the Youth Fair is the safest place in the world, whether people get gunned down there or not. So the "news" had Abrams link up live with a Sgt. Roper, who took over to show a hokey videotape of Y.F. security forces pretending to have something to do. The sergeant, who seemed likable enough, mentioned the numerous officers on duty at the Fair, the pro dispatcher, the fire-rescue resources. He also said that the cops single out people who look like "gang members" and make sure they behave themselves. (I look, I'm told, like a very old gang member; several young teens, in fact, sharin' a bus ride, once ganged up on me and demanded to know if others had told me how much I looked like Ice-T. Yes, kids, they have. So single me out! Single my mother out!) Anyway, the point of all this is that the Sgt. Roper segment went off about as smoothly as Saddam's Kuwait campaign. It was chaos - Steve couldn't communicate with Sgt. Roper, Sgt. Roper seemed doped, there were delays and misspeaks and devastating dead air everywhere. After this endless fiasco, Abrams concluded, "Good report." Then he noted there were time problems and so some big segment everyone was waiting to see had to be killed. Sorry, viewers, but what the hell. You were just leaving for the Youth Fair anyway.

Final note: Thanks for the emergency help, Charlie B. Hey dad, Rog, Doug. I love family. Hi mom!

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