Everything You Know Is Wrong

Let our musical dictionary set you straight

punk \PUNK\n 1: a genre of music characterized by speed, brevity, and fans who see vomiting as an acceptable substitute for a handshake 2: songs that manage to be new wave and alternative at the same time 3: music marketed to people who don't enjoy bathing, gargling, or human interaction of any kind

rap \RAP\n 1: a genre of music characterized by danceable beats and spoken nursery rhymes about penis size, pulling trains, ho's, bitches, and not touching anything 2: songs about living in poverty written by musicians who wear gold chains, drive expensive cars, and vote Republican 3: music marketed to people who wouldn't blink at paying $200 for a pair of tennis shoes

rock \ROK\n 1: a genre of music characterized by repetitive structures, spare instrumentation, and lyrics about cars, babes, sex, and having sex in your car with babes 2: a word that can be used in the place of every other musical term, except maybe opera, and sometimes even that one, too 3: music marketed to people who actually like Steve Winwood, Journey, and Grand Funk Railroad

rock and roll \ROK and ROHL\n 1: a genre of music identical to rock but associated more with rebellion, antisocial behavior, and hipness than the status quo, political correctness, and beer commercials 2: songs that you can imagine Elvis Presley singing 3: music marketed to people who actually like Little Eva, the Stray Cats, and Wink Martindale

soul \SOHL\n 1: a genre of gospel-driven music that makes you want to get down with your bad self 2: songs that make you want to get it up for a bad someone else 3: music marketed to people who want to get it on with a bad anyone else

world beat\WERLD beet\n 1: a genre of culturally specific music made by foreigners, or Americans who have the complete videotape set of Roots 2: a style that has inspired more illegal drug use than the Nixon administration 3: music marketed to those who feel less guilty about owning BMWs and Jacuzzis when they listen to songs played by Third World people who make $300 a year.

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