Sharp As Attack

One difficulty in discussing Jack Thompson's sensational faxnovel-
in-progress is that it's unavailable to the general public. Only Thompson's designated readers have been given the opportunity to appreciate his masterwork. (Maddening, yes, but how ingenious!) Although it detracts somewhat from the effect of Thompson's formal innovation, reprinted below are excerpts from select chapters to illustrate the author's caustic, biting, inimitable prose.

* In March of 1990, Thompson's narrator, "Jack Thompson," addressed a page of his novel to a character named "Governor Martinez." The chapter, entitled "Re: Skyywalker and Dade County State Attorney Reno," demanded that "Governor Martinez" take a personal interest in investigating a local record company.

Dear Governor Martinez:
I have just learned from a highly reliable source that one of the first things that new Dade County Assistant State Attorney is told when he or she arrives at the Metro Justice Building is that "The Boss," Janet Reno, is a lesbian. Apparently this is done so

as to blunt the surprise when it becomes obvious.
Your Press Secretary, Jon Peck, asked me if it can be proven that Janet Reno is a lesbian. I believe it can, as I have additional information just as or more damning than the above.

You may recall that Governor Askew, who appointed Janet Reno to her post, publicly pledged that he would never knowingly appoint a homosexual to any government position in this State and for good reason. It thus now appears that our County's chief law enforcement officer is in the closet, but the hinges are coming off.

[...]
If Janet Reno is a pervert, Governor, then why would anyone expect her to prosecute pornographers, peddling perversion to children?

And then there is always the problem of blackmail.
Best,
John B. Thompson

* This past April, in a chapter entitled, "RE: SODOMITES AT THE MIAMI HERALD," "Jack Thompson" asserted that the local daily newspaper, "The Miami Herald," adhered to a strictly homosexual agenda. Written in the form of a press release, the segment was addressed to "Local, Regional, and National Media; Religious Leaders; and Many Others, Including The Miami Herald." As evidence for his claim of homosexual bias, "Thompson" enclosed a clipping from the paper; in a discussion of new auto-emissions testing procedures, it reported that "Station attendants stuck a long metal probe up the tail pipe for a minute or so as spectators modestly averted their eyes."

The employment and influence of sodomites at this newspaper is now so massive that an auto-emissions testing story cannot escape their degrading impact. Or is there some other reason to write of "spectators [who] modestly avert their eyes"?

The Herald's Executive Editor Janet Chusmir, before she died this past winter, was asked why her paper was so consistently pro-homosexual in its articles and editorial policy. Her frustrated response: "Because there are so many homosexuals who work here." An editor at The Boca Raton News, another Knight-Ridder newspaper, who editorially wrote against the now-defeated Broward gay-rights ordinance, was nearly hounded out of his job by an inflamed cabal at The Herald for exercising his First Amendment rights to oppose the legitimization of perversion.

[...]
The time has finally arrived for a counter-attack upon The Miami Herald that will be punitive, healthy, and effective. Stay tuned.

The Miami Herald is about to be repaid for the societal and moral rot it has far too long imposed upon this once healthy community. The war to liberate Miami has begun.

Aggressively yours,
Jack Thompson

* In a chapter dispatched just last week, entitled, "RE: WAGES OF SIN," Thompson's narrator-protagonist gloated over the recent travails of a local radio station, "Power 96."

To: ENTIRE STAFF OF POWER 96
For nearly two years I have endured certain of your on-air "talent" savaging me because of my successful and Constitutional efforts against your station's favorite pornographers, 2 Live Crew.

[...]
Today is a particularly good time to remind those sneerers and scoffers at your deviancy-worshiping station that sometimes events conspire to show that those who uphold God's standard of conduct (which He created, not Luther Campbell), are right after all.

God has a two-word response for the Power 96 folks who think there is not a price to pay for mocking Him: BILL TANNER.

God keeps perfect records. He just balanced the Tanner Ledger a little early.

Those who have ears, let them hear.
In Christ's Name,
Jack Thompson

 
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